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Should You Lower Your Standards?
RELATIONSHIP ADVICE FROM A SPIRITUAL PERSPECTIVE – by Diana Lang
When it comes to relationships, we all have our standards. Standards are those ethical principles that we navigate our lives by. They are a kind of personal code by which we make choices, decisions and intentions. Fundamentally, they are the ideals that we hold dearest to our hearts. They are essential personal covenants that shape how we live our lives, determine what’s important to us, and effectively direct our motivation and direction. Our standards are foundational to every single thing we do.
The thing about standards, though, is everyone’s are different! By holding ourselves to our standards, we cannot help but hold others to them too. But because everyone has slightly – or radically – different ones, we can get in trouble when we try to impose our standards onto someone else.
In a relationship, having congruous standards are important. It is said that the single most important component that allows a relationship to last is similar philosophy. Our standards are based on our philosophies. They are corresponding and interconnected. Everything else can be different between a couple: where we come from, how much money we have, the color of our skin, our ages, our interests, but if our standards are in conflict, then there will eventually be philosophical differences that can become an immense obstacle to sustaining the relationship.
This is why couples often find natural compatibility with a partner that comes from a similar religious faith, or from the same country, or even neighborhood! Where we come from influences and shape our standards. We are often naturally attracted to someone who inherently harmonizes with these standards . . .
. . . or, we can be attracted to the opposite.
If we are with someone who has different standards, and especially lower ones than ours, this can be very destructive. It can bring out the worst in us, instead of the best in us. If the discrepancy is great, it can turn out to be a match not made in heaven. This can do a lot of damage to our confidence and erode those things we hold paramount. If we start to doubt our own standards and lower them, each individual, and the relationship itself, will slowly be degraded. We can begin to doubt our core beliefs and values, and gradually, eventually, like the way water must flow downhill, our standards will devolve.
You never want to step down to someone’s lower standards. A standard is an ideal, something that we reach for and aspire to. And, if our standards are lessened because we are afraid to hold them up, then the relationship will suffer for lack of principle, and lack of depth. It will feel empty.
The good news is that we can evoke a higher standard from our partner. When we hold our standard up, they get to step up to it – or step out of it. Don’t let anyone stem your spirit or your principles. By holding to your higher standard, everyone will be better for it. When we hold to our standards we are actually offering our partner an opportunity to grow. By raising the bar in a relationship we all grow. By lowering our standards, we are diminished.
Diana Lang is a spiritual teacher and author of OPENING TO MEDITATION www.DianaLang.com
First published for the Huffington Post.
sky news
As many of you know, I am a lifelong astrologer, and there is some good news in the sky these days, and I wanted to share. Mercury has been retrograde for the last 3 weeks and it goes direct tomorrow evening, a semi-minor occurrence, as this occurs at least three times a year for about 3 weeks every year. (Though, it gets interesting when the retrograde crosses important points and planets on your chart, and in that case, it can be a very big deal!) Mostly, however, these things come and go like a little frisky wind moving through the life. It is always good, in a wake up and smell the coffee kind of way. Tomorrow, Thursday, Mercury goes direct. If you have noticed little miscommunications or misfires of efforts, the tides will begin to turn now. Wonderfully, it’s also a new moon. Think of this like a little breath of really fresh air. Like a morning where the house is warm and you open up the windows to allow the cool fresh air of winter to come blowing through, brisk, revitalizing and renewing. There is, as always, so much I could say about all of this, but see if this little celestial weather report opens up a corresponding window in your awareness for a new beginning and some bright, clear, clean, forward moving energy in your life.
love, Diana
ON GENEROSITY
INTENTION MEDITATION – a meditation on pattern changing
THE VOW
THE VOW
THE VOW I took at my first breath
was the one about survival
That one I couldn’t really resist because it was instinctive
but i have to admit that it feels like a vow
It needed to be a vow for me,
not just an instinct
because i needed to survive
my delicate mindedness was too refined for the coarseness of this experience
and i fought this vow with fists up and a sarcastic posture
so that i could take the easier way
and just let go
of this experience
But my soul knew me too well
and made me take a vow
so that i would survive
and make me stay here
despite myself
Okay, that makes sense.
the vow to survive so i wouldn’t give up before i was done
But then a secondary vow was made
this one was i made voluntarily
and that was love
I think I’ve made that vow every day of my life since i could think
not love in the sense that most think of it
not mushy love
dreamy love
romantic love
but love as the action
as the pursuit
as the living breathing experience of my life
to love as a discipline
to love through confusion
and discomfort
to love the unlovable
in me and in others
to love when my own heart is broken
to love through thick and thin
to love through hell and back
to love to heaven
to love with all the meanings of love
the ascension of love
the devolution of love
to keep loving
open eyed
standing there as a witness to love
to dissolve into love
to evolve into love
a pillar of carbonite crystal
that doesn’t move
that doesn’t hesitate
that only discerningly poignantly exactly and generally
keeps choosing love
in the face of not-love
that is the vow i take
And now, my new vow is take that big love of mine
and aim it at myself
So that i can complete that circle of love
and not just pulse and pulse and pulse
out
with no return
but to let it return
love to me
love for me
love as me.
© Diana Lang 2018
1 Minute on COURAGE with Diana Lang
Play video to watch >
An interview with Kim Corbin on NEW WORLD NOW.
Full Moon Meditation – SOUL HEALING
on meditation
Meditation is fundamentally and etherically practical.
Meditation is an ancient discipline designed to help you learn to be more present in your life. It is an art that is practiced. It is something that we keep growing into, discovering, unraveling, and expanding to learn the gorgeous difference between thinking and mindfulness. Meditation resets your soul compass and reconnects you to your inner guidance.
Meditation works best when you least want to. Part of the discipline of meditation is to sit whether you feel like it or not. It is a training of the ego, to learn what I call, “sit and stay.” In the stillness that this discipline entrains, a space of deep and growing awareness can be known. This is an enormous gift because you inner knowing will never lead you astray. It always leads you to the soul’s next step. By setting up a daily practice, you are opening up a dialogue for an ongoing conversation with your soul.
www.DianaLang.com 2016
INTUITION is Your Superpower
(reprinted from the Huffington Post)
Your intuition is like a superpower. We use it every day in a thousand ways. We use is it in every transaction, negotiation and relationship we engage in.
Intuition is a deep inner listening.
And we all have this ability.
Intuition is a faculty of higher mind. It is a kind of extra sensory perception, as it were. Intuition allows us to discern between the billions of information bits that we are thinking, to discover by filtering through all of this sensory data, the common denominator, which is: the truth of something.
There is often so much mental clutter around certain subjects, especially ones that are important to us, that we sometimes cannot cognize what we think. That’s because we are thinking everything at the same time! When we’re afraid, and especially when we feel our lives depend on it, we can be thinking thousands of thoughts simultaneously with no conscious prioritization. This can put us into utter chaos!
But just behind the veil of the pros-and-cons list of our life, and all the myriad information that we pick up along the way – behind all that data – waiting patiently for us, is our personal inner knowing. Not what the world would say, not what someone else thinks about a subject, but our very own precious knowing.
Intuition helps us sense our way through life’s problems. We can sense when to move and when not to move. We can feel the intentions of another. We can intuit if something is right for us or not. It is literally our “inner sight.” It is insight!
Your intuition is the most accurate gauge of someone’s intention and heart. Your intuition can tell you what something really is. By heeding this deep inner listening, the truth of it can shine through. Because we really do know, or I should say, we can know. We just need to stop, and consciously ask ourselves…
…and then, listen.
Like this:
Become quiet inside yourself. This is very like a little mini-meditation. Sit perfectly still and empty your mind. When you think ofthe decision, the person, or the situation, what do you intuit? (Not, what do you think.) For the moment, put aside your opinions, judgments, or preconceived ideas. What does your heart know? What is your intuition?
Really, deeply listen.
Does your inner self give you a thumbs-up or a thumbs-down? Is there an internal nod of YES, or a squeezing contracted feeling of NO? You will feel it. It is very definite.
Here’s the thing, if you are listening with your intuition, you will know. We can be fooled by the external information of things. We can be overloaded by the sheer density of the concerns that are connected to our question, or overwhelmed by the fears we have of the potential domino-consequence of it. The problem is that the answer we think is right may look great on paper but not be good for our life. Intuition includes logic, but logic doesn’t necessarily include intuition.
It’s important to remember as you are gathering impressions to not be tempted to manufacture reasons to substantiate these impressions while you are receiving them. Listen to your intuition. But don’t try to justify your intuition. If you need to “prove” what or why your intuition is telling you something, you are already out of the intuitive state and back into the ego’s limited fear-logic. This is why intuition is intuition, not deduction or analysis. It’s a whole different faculty of mind.
There is no greater insight than what your intuition senses and offers – if you’ll listen.
It is how Einstein was able to conceive E=mc2. He intuited it first; then he proved it.
Your intuition is a powerful tool. It is like having a secret power, and in time, and with practice, you will learn to trust it more and more. It will guide you seamlessly through life. It will nudge you left when left is exactly the right move for you. As you become more adept in listening to your intuition, you will find yourself navigating your life more and more deftly, decision by decision, choice by choice, breath by breath, moment by moment.
And what is extraordinary about this inner knowing, this intuition, this superpower, is that it is adaptable and ever-responding to the ever-changing circumstance of our ever-changing reality!
Like any superpower, you need to cultivate and develop your intuition. Practice trusting your inner knowing. Get good at it. Let your intuition guide your life, for it will always lead you true.
Diana Lang is a spiritual teacher and author of
OPENING TO MEDITATION – www.DianaLang.com
…But He’s Got Potential!
(Reprinted from the Huffington Post)
RELATIONSHIP ADVICE FOR WOMEN FROM A SPIRITUAL PERSPECTIVE
“Everyone is gifted, but some people never open their package.” ~Wolfgang Riebe
Everyone has potential. We are born with it.
But the big question is will we live up to it? Will we meet it?
Just because we have potential doesn’t mean we will express it in our life.
As women, one of the very best qualities we have is that we can see the best in people. We can sense what a person is capable of. This is an incredibly significant sensitivity. As a mother, for instance, it’s important to see our children’s potential. We want to help them foster and cultivate it to help them realize their potential in the world.
But when we take this skill into the dating arena, this very same ability may not always be in our best interest…and it can sometimes even prove to be our greatest downfall. Because we can sense what our partner is capable of, we may be too quick to throw all our eggs in that heart-basket whether that potential will ever be actualized or not.
We can sense that potential right there, just beneath the surface. But because of woundings from childhood, or just plain being thwarted by life, our partner may leave their most valuable gifts unexpressed, laying dormant in their inner-diamond-heart like hidden buried treasure.
We can fool ourselves out of our need or desperation and develop a fantasy about our man that seems, and feels true, but is not actually realizing. We may gloss over what we hope our partner can be, rather than what he actually is. We can even fall in love with his potential.
That inner part of you that is aware knows all of this though, and this is what you must call on as you navigate the dating minefields of love. It’s important to stay awake to reality, especially in a new relationship, and especially if you find yourself head-over-heels in love, where it’s easy to lose all sight of shore.
In life, and especially in regard to men, the proof is in the pudding. This means, it is by his action that you can discern his potential-into-reality-ratio. For example, when there is a problem or a challenge, what does he actually do? Does he show up? Does he keep his word? Do his words match his actions? Does he admit when he’s wrong? When he fails, does he try again? Does he do what he says? The answers to these questions are the beginnings of perceiving a man’s character and sense of purpose.
It’s pretty straight forward, really. For a man leads by his action. What he does doIS what he is thinking and feeling. So, if he is not doing something, if he is not showing up, if he isn’t coming through, then that IS how he feels. His actions will show you.
There is an old saying that says: behind every great man is a great woman. A man needs someone to believe in him. That is how his best will shine forth. It’s important to help your man realize his potential. That potential IS there. But it’s equally important that he lives up to it. That he shows you. That he tries.
And yes, many people have not yet fully realized their potential; it is a work in progress, is it not? However, it will still be being implemented in some way. Actionswill be being taken. Real efforts will be being made, with real results.
So, let him show you. Let him prove it. And while he is showing it to you, he will prove it to himself.
And, of course, we all need to ask ourselves the same question. Am I living up to my full potential?
From a spiritual perspective, not only do we need to live up to our potential; it is our responsibility to. It is a spiritual imperative. None of this is predicated on success, of course. It isn’t about winning, or making the most money, or getting an Oscar, though of course, you may. It is about living your life with passion and compassion, with creativity and curiosity, and letting that beautiful inner diamond within you be expressed, some way, somehow!
Diana Lang is a spiritual teacher and author of
OPENING TO MEDITATION – www.DianaLang.com
The Power of Telling the Truth
RELATIONSHIP ADVICE FROM
A SPIRITUAL PERSPECTIVE
It can be scary to tell our partner how we really feel sometimes. Out of politeness, embarrassment, shyness, avoidance, or just not wanting to hurt their feelings, we can find ourselves not sharing our innermost feelings. We may find ourselves inhibiting and censoring our truest, deepest worries and fears with the people we love the most. And, our relationships will suffer for it – from the lack of depth, from lack of real connection, and from the shear superficiality of inauthenticity.
Here is a spiritual rule of thumb: the more someone matters to you, the more you owe them your Truth.
But, what is our truth?
Truth is how you actually feel. Not how you are supposed to feel. Not what society says you should feel, or how you think you should feel. It is what you do feel – in your heart. For in our hearts, we all know what those truths are.
When I am talking with a client and they tell me how they really feel, I will ask them if they have shared this with their partner, and invariably they will say, “Well, I can’t say that, can I?”
And I answer: Yes, of course you can.
And you need to.
If you want your relationship to deepen and grow, then you have to trust the love that the relationship is built on. You need to bet on love. Even, in the worse case scenario, if you discover that the relationship cannot handle deeper feelings, then that’s good information to know. It tells you something of the depth and durability of the love. So, you really have nothing to lose in finding this out. And, potentially, everything to gain.
But how do we speak these fragile vulnerabilities, these hurts and pains, when our fear is that if we do, it will just make things worse?
This brings us to another spiritual principle, which is: the truth will make you free. Truth is a precious commodity. Your innocent and uncensored truth, the truth of your heart, is valuable to your relationship. By telling the truth to your partner, you are opening up the possibility for more intimacy in your relationship.
So often, this can be difficult. We can be afraid to say the most important things in our heart for fear of being rejected or abandoned. We can be afraid that they will never understand.
How you share your truth is a delicate matter. People’s feelings can and do get hurt. It’s hard to hear that there may be a difference of opinion or a problem. But not sharing your truth doesn’t allow anything to change at all.
So, how do you share your feelings without hurting, scaring, or upsetting your partner?
The answer is by expressing your truth in vulnerability.
You need to be vulnerable so your partner can hear you. Otherwise, they likely will feel attacked, disparaged, unvalued, belittled, criticized, and mostly, unloved.
So, how we say it really MATTERS. I’m not saying you should be manipulative or strategic – I mean the opposite, in fact. I am saying to speak your vulnerable truth without righteousness or design, without tactic or need to win, but simply, to speak your unguarded, vulnerable, ever-loving truth.
Which means, speak your truth with love.
– Because truth by itself can be brutal and without mercy.
– And, love by itself can be too tolerant, ambiguous, and possibly codependent.
When you put these two principles together, truth plus love, you have power. Now your truth makes an arrow that pierces through, to the heart of the matter – safely – because it is founded on love. You then are gifting your partner with loving truth.It’s like lancing a wound. Now, it can heal.
This is not so easy to do. It takes courage – heart courage – partly because we have to first face our own demons and realize what we really feel, and how we really feel. We must take ourselves into our internal laboratory and be really, reallyhonest with ourselves. By doing this, we are taking responsibility for what our own truth is, without blaming, without harming, and without rancor. It is simply how we feel.
By looking at ourselves first – with compassion – we can begin to heal our lives and everyone in our lives.
Because from a spiritual perspective, when one person gets it, everyone can get it.
We all benefit from your inner awareness. We are all healed by truth.
And, the truth will make us all free.
Diana Lang is a spiritual teacher and author of
OPENING TO MEDITATION – www.DianaLang.com
A little interview on the feminine/masculine principle – Transitioning from work to relationship
Through Thick And Thin
WHAT MAKES A RELATIONSHIP WORK
When you think of relationships that work, really, really work, whose do you think of? Not just the ones that manage to stay together, but the ones that are ever growing and expanding, romantic and intimate. It’s likely that not many come to mind.
What is it about that relationship that makes it endure through thick and thin? Because, thick and thin are going to happen. What it is it about a relationship that makes it last?
Those relationships that make it through the tests of time, that make it through the ups and down of life, from arguments, loss of jobs, money problems, teenagers, midlife crisis, health issues, and mothers-in-laws, to boot, are built on an integral strength that is based on real connection.
Real connection and chemistry look a lot alike, but they are not the same.And, yes, most often they will both be there. But there is a distinction between these qualities of love. Real connection is beyond chemistry. It is more likerecognition. When you meet, it feels like you already know each other. Like you always have. You could be opposites in every way, culturally, religiously, philosophically, and still, that recognition is there.
Real connection can include chemistry but is not dependent on chemistry.Chemistry does not, of itself, equal connection — or longevity. Without a heart connection it will be short-lived or forced. Sometimes we try to jam chemistry into the slot of real connection, and this can become a heavy woe. Trust that you will know the difference, because there is a difference, and you can feel it.
It’s not something that will escape you, or that you might miss, or that is illusive. It’s right there in the forefront – and very different than chemistry by itself. Real connection has a force to it, a rightness that is undeniable. It has a mandate about it. It’s like a cosmic instruction: “You two are one.” There is no doubt, there is no unsureness, and you will both know it.
From a spiritual perspective, real connection, is an authentic, undeniable, mutual connection built on real appreciation and respect for each other. Real connection is when we instinctively turn to each other, rather than to someone else. It is not a compromise or a settling. And, it’s not that “I can’t live without you,” it’s rather, “I don’t want to live without you.” It’s a relationship where who you are when you are not even trying is exactly what your partner loves about you. And vice-versa!
Of course, this doesn’t mean everything in every moment is perfect. It just means that at its heart, there is a real regard, even admiration for each other that is core to the relationship. It doesn’t need to be manufactured or forced. It’s just there. It’s like a love safety net.
Relationships will test everything we are, individually, and as a couple. But they also can heal old wounds, and break our hearts open to deeper and more profound levels of love.
Ultimately, time really will tell. For real love will grow you, and show you what real togetherness is.
It’s the little things, you know. The kindnesses, the forgivenesses. It is the mutual understanding and genuine affection for each other. It is being proud of each other, attracted to each, and at the end of the day, confiding in each other. It is about being able to truly be yourself, and that’s WHY your partner loves you.
Our relationship can teach us how to love, right through our confusion or our doubt. We can love each other right through our feelings of unlovability or broken hearts. Out of love for each other our relationship can teach us how to be the most sensitive listener, the consummate lover, the most compassionate forgiver. And all these things are tested — conversation by conversation, interaction by interaction.All built on the mindful, loving understanding, that by working through our disconnection, we are creating a deeper and more lasting connection. This connection then becomes strong — really strong, bonded by trust, bonded by forgiveness. Your love becomes forged by experience like steel.
It is all those little moments of holding hands under the table at the restaurant, having secret communications where not a word is uttered… but the other one knows. This is real love, and this kind of love is worth waiting for if you don’t have it, and building towards if you do.
Diana Lang is a spiritual teacher and author of
OPENING TO MEDITATION – www.DianaLang.com
Warmer, Warmer
HOW TO MOVE ON AFTER YOU HEART IS BROKEN
and fall in love again…
The first thing we are confronted with after a breakup is the plain old shock of it. We are literally gobsmacked. We find ourselves standing with our mouths open and arms hanging limply by our sides wondering what in the world just happened? Heartbreak can occur after six months in a relationship or many years! Breaking up hurts — and it hurts — bad. And there is just no way of getting around that fact.
After a breakup we can feel like we have failed. We feel unworthy and unlovable. We can worry that we’ll never be with anyone. Our worst fear is that there is no one out there for us. But I would counter that you just haven’t found each other yet.
There is a game that we played as kids called “Warmer, Warmer,” where one person hides an object while the other one has to find it. As the seeker gets closer to the object you say, “Warmer, warmer! As they get farther from it, you say, “Cooler, cooler.” If they start moving farther from it you say, “Cold as ice! Cold as the arctic! Frozen as the freezer!” But, if they are standing right next to it, you yell, “You are hot! You are on fire! You’re burning up!” until finally the seeker touches the hidden object.
Breaking up can be like that. When we meet someone and we fall in love, it’s definitely a warmer, warmer moment. It might not be the exact right person yet, but we are getting closer. These relationships along the way help us grow and learn. So, even though it does hurt, this different way of looking at it may help you let go and move on more easily, not looking at the breakup as a mistake, but rather a step along the path.
As the old adage says, when one door closes another one opens. This is important to remember, because in those first days and weeks while you are reeling and refinding your balance again, you can hang on to that phrase like a lifeline. It may not give much solace at first, but it is a spiritual truth, and remembering this will steady you. Natural law says: nature abhors a vacuum. Meaning, once you are truly able to release the old relationship, new love can find you again.
Finally, every relationship defines better and better what you want and don’t want in a partner. Every time you engage with someone — even just one date — you learn a little more about yourself and what matters to you. All of this will help you recognize your true partner that moment when you meet.
Diana Lang is a spiritual teacher and author of OPENING TO MEDITATION www.DianaLang.com
Follow Diana Lang on Twitter: www.twitter.com/Diana Lang
Meditation as a Practice for Self Love
(reposted from the Huffington Post)
Life can be so overwhelming. We can get distracted, confused, and overwhelmed by the sheer volume of it. We are bombarded with information and stimulation. We are trying so hard to make money, raise kids, be a good person; we end up getting over-stimulated, over-amped, and finally overwhelmed!
What we are really looking for, though, is meaning self-love and understanding. We are looking for a way to get back to ourselves — to that part of us that is sacred.
The fastest, most direct route to self-awareness and learning to truly love yourself, is meditation. Meditation takes us straight to our true selves. It teaches us about forgiveness, compassion and acceptance. Meditation reconnects us. It awakens that part of ourselves that is pure presence. When we meditate we have the actual experience of inner peace and a deep inner calm. We learn to authentically love — everyone — including ourselves.
It’s simple to mediate. You can try it right now.
First, make yourself comfortable.
Relax your attention a bit . . . even as you’re reading these words.
Simply, let your attention become softer.
Then, take a deep breath.
Notice if it’s full, or shallow, or held.
As you continue to observe your breath, notice if it feels stressed or calm.
Now, take another deep breath — through your nose.
Exhale slowly . . .
Notice how you feel.
Let your body relax.
Let your mind relax.
Then, take another deep breath
and relax even more . . .
You see? In just a few conscious breaths you can begin to change your state of mind. Even in this very short exercise you can get a feeling of what it’s like to meditate.
Within a meditation many things can happen: insights, understanding, forgiveness, resolution, and inspired ideas, all from this simple process.
There are no rules for meditation. The only thing to focus on is being present. When you are meditating, you are allowing yourself room for stillness and reflection — a vacation from the rushed flow of daily life.
By meditating we discover our most true and authentic self. When we meditate we begin to feel calm and sure. We begin to feel guided in every moment. Meditation connects us to our higher knowing. We begin to know the love that is all around us — all the time. We realize that we are worthy beyond measure.
Meditation connects the soul to the self, and by meditating we are building a conscious bridge. Inside this sacred container there is a whole new world. You’ll come to discover that your inner world is as rich as your outer world is!
By meditating you are sending out a signal that you want to connect, that you want to open your heart to the universe and receive all of its gifts. There is no rush. Meditation is a healing process. It is supreme love in action.
Meditation is a return to love. It will teach you to respect yourself, forgive yourself, and finally love yourself. It creates a clear path to real peace and happiness. The place to start is exactly where you are – as you are. And the time to start is . . . now.
Diana Lang is a spiritual teacher and author of OPENING TO MEDITATION — www.DianaLang.com
Follow Diana Lang on Twitter: www.twitter.com/Diana Lang
on the election energies
This is what I was thinking about today.
All of this media hyperbole about the election reminds me of Y2K.
Remember the rampant fear about the year 2000? For a full year “they” said all the computers and clocks and auto-anything’s would spontaneously turn off at the strike of midnight, and the world would be destroyed by malfunctioning computers, satellites and cell phones.
And then came Dec 21, 2012, the end of the Mayan calendar and the end of the world.
And, nothing happened.
Nothing happened at all.
Trump feels like that.
The Value of Being Al-one
When a relationship ends, there is a huge, empty space where it was. It can feel like a big, black hole. All that love, all that energy was pouring TO someone, and now they aren’t there. But the habit of outpouring still is.
Somehow, you need to turn that loving energy back towards yourself. This is not so easy to do, but it can be done! In fact, it can be the opportunity of a lifetime! Finally, you can have the time and the energy to fall in love with you. In order to do this, you must go inward, for this is where your Self is!
Going inward can feel like a daunting task. Our instinct is to go outward. We want to get away from the pain, our broken hearts, the loss. But of course, that is exactly what we must attend in order to heal ourselves, not abandon ourselves. We must come to our own rescue and love ourselves back to life.
To do this we need to create space for ourselves. Being alone can be powerful and healing. We can take this time of being alone to heal recent wounds, and while we’re at it, past ones, too. By allowing ourselves the time to know ourselves, to even linger there, we begin a process of self-love that will last for the rest of our lives.
In our society today, it can seem completely normal to fill up every single space with something. It is practically a taboo to not be busy. Busy-ness has come to mean worthiness, popularity, and success. I would counter it is simply unavailability. The world will try to convince you that you shouldn’t ever, ever be alone. Like alone is bad. Like alone is failure.
But alone is where your heart is. It is where YOU are. And, alone is where you will begin to really learn to love yourself for who you are — as you are.
By allowing yourself to be alone, you can cultivate a state of spaciousness. This internal posture of spaciousness opens the heart. It makes you available – because you are present. And this presence makes you available to every aspect of life, including new love.
In my book, Opening to Meditation, I offer this idea.
“Most of us don’t know how to be alone. We’re afraid of the dark outside when we’re little, and we’re afraid of the dark inside ourselves when we grow up. We learn to fill up all the dark spaces with TV and newspapers and drugs and busyness and anything else we can think of – anything not to be alone. But if you examine the word alone, you’ll see that it comes from the compound word all-one. There’s a big difference between the words alone and lonely.“
This is a powerful notion — that by being with ourselves, really with ourselves, we can gain our greatest insights and understanding. We can begin to truly learn and know ourselves. And, in time, we learn how to love ourselves — our true self — not only the persona that we go out into the world with, but that most real and fundamental part of us.
The ability to be alone is essential to eventually being in a relationship. It is our self-love that attracts a partner that is right for us. Being alone teaches us to accept ourselves, forgive ourselves, and finally to bloom ourselves open to love again.
Diana Lang is a spiritual teacher and author of OPENING TO MEDITATION – www.DianaLang.com
Follow Diana Lang on Twitter: www.twitter.com/Diana Lang
To listen to more meditations, follow me on SoundCloud. https://soundcloud.com/diana_lang
Teaching Yourself to “Sit” and “Stay”
reprinted from the Huffington Post
LEARNING TO TRUST YOURSELF THROUGH MEDITATION
COLTRANE on perfect sit/stay – taken by Jeremiah McNulty
It’s easy to doubt ourselves, our choices, our lives, our everything. We can find ourselves second-guessing every choice, all along the way. We wonder whether the choices we made in the past were right, and worry about the choices we will make in the future!
We don’t know how to trust ourselves because we don’t know how to trust our inner Self — with a capital S. This inner Self represents a whole new world of awareness. When you begin to listen to your inner Self, the world cracks open with new insights and understandings.
In my book, Opening to Meditation, there is a line that says this: “If there is a devil, it is doubt.” This doubt is a result of overthinking and hyper-analysis. We become embattled with the ego. This can create a constant state of tension. We become restless inside. We can’t relax. We can get depressed, or anxious, over-stimulated and stressed out. And then, we wonder, “Why I can’t sleep at night?”
All the questions of life come up to be reviewed — but in a state of fear and doubt. If we are single we may wonder, “Will he ever come?” And, if we are in a relationship we may ask, “Is he really right for me?” Or similarly, when we can’t get a job, “Will I ever get a job?” or, if we’ve got one, “I bet there is a better one out there.” These are just a couple of examples of thousands that I could offer — but they are all examples of doubt.
And, all of this is just the play of the ego. The ego is a perpetual worrying machine. If it’s not one thing, it’s another. The mind will generate fear after fear after fear. When one is allayed, another one pops up. It is the nature of the beast.
But it can be trained. And that is where meditation comes in. Meditation teaches the mind to become still, to live in the moment rather than the past or the future. It teaches us to connect with our higher selves, our true selves, our sacred selves. In this process, the mind learns to become reflective and listening. We become calm and steady. We start to know.
When the mind has no bounds it is like an untrained dog. The mind will chase after every ball that comes by. It will be sitting quietly in one moment, when suddenly, “Squirrel!” and off it goes, running madly after some random thought. And that’s the problem; it chases every… single… thought. An untrained mind doesn’t know how to prioritize well. It is indiscriminate and fearful, or boasting and trying to prove itself. To the untrained mind, every thought is worth chasing.
In theory, we know everything, we think everything — but — all at the same time!But when we meditate, we discover we have a very refined, highly calibrated, inner psychic barometer within us that teaches us subtlety and discrimination, discipline and awareness.
When we meditate, we are teaching our minds to become observers rather than reactors. We teach the mind to “sit” and “stay.” Thoughts of the ego are always fear-based. The ego chases every squirrel, and pretty much every ball that goes by too. So when we teach our minds to sit and stay, to listen and be present, we immediately become calmer and clearer. Suddenly our lives become simpler because we are not over-complicating them with every single thought we think. We simply begin to know.
One of my favorite quotes is, “Don’t believe everything you think.” This is sage advice. Just because you think something doesn’t mean it’s true, or that it’s right for you. We can think many things at the same time — and do! When we meditate we are spiritually prioritizing: THIS ball — not all those others.
You can let them all go by,
and stay …
with
this
one.
In the end, what it’s really about is application, application, application. Over time we build a muscle of awareness. We learn to be conscious and present about every subject of our lives. We begin to learn to trust ourselves.
From a spiritual perspective there is a perfect time for everything. We can stay busy and distracted by chasing after every squirrel, or we can wait for right timing. Squirrel timing will take you on a wild goose chase. Spiritual timing is perfect timing.
This does not mean being passive and doing nothing. It means responding to what’s at hand because you are present to what is happening. It means living your life with passion and gusto, curiosity and enthusiasm. It means bringing your whole self to every moment and to every exchange. When you establish a meditation practice, you will learn that you can trust life, that you can trust love, and most importantly, you can trust yourself.
Diana Lang is a spiritual teacher and author of OPENING TO MEDITATION –www.DianaLang.com
Should I Date More than One Person at a Time?
reprinted from the Huffington Post
- DATING ADVICE FROM A SPIRITUAL PERSPECTIVE
“Should I date more than one person at a time?” we wonder. “Wouldn’t it open up the field if I dated several people?” Even though there is some merit in this question, at least in the beginning of dating, soon you would discover that the answer is unequivocally, NO.
There is a wise old adage that says: The eagle that chases two rabbits catches none.
The statisticians of the world, of course, would say that this is an odds issue, and the more, the merrier! More chances equal more possibilities of success, right?
Wrong. That’s what the carnies of the world would tell you too, as you attempt for the umpteenth time to throw the ping-pong ball into the fishbowl. It is a scam of the ego.
Still, logic would seem to dictate: the more fishing lines I throw out there, the more fish I could catch.
But, what kind of fish would you catch?
The answer is: The same kind.
This is how energy works!
Like attracts like.
What if you want to find “the One?”
You are not going to catch a mermaid or merman with many lures. You have to evoke them out of this great, grand sea of the world. Yes, there may be many fish in the sea, but you are only looking for one! And, not just any one, but The One.
Just as in looking for a job, sending out a hundred resumes won’t land you a position if you believe there are no jobs out there. A thousand resumes won’t change the outcome of what you already believe. But if you believe there are many jobs out there, and you are a rare talent, you may be surprised to discover that the next time you go to your local café, that you find yourself sitting next to the CEO of the big, new health food store in town, the one that coincidentally happens to be looking for a marketing person . . . and there you are!
When we consciously visualize, and know our partner is coming – he will.
If you truly believe he is not, then you will also be right – he’s not coming.
Multiple-dating is like shooting buckshot. This desperate and random aim scatters, producing many apparent options. But all that this haphazard action does is just take up your time and delay the outcome.
Certainly, by putting ourselves out there, we will probably attract someone, but wouldn’t you rather attract that special someone? Wouldn’t you like to attract your soul partner who is also looking for you?
It seems tempting to believe that more volume will give more opportunity. And it is true, more volume does attract . . . but here is the important thing to remember: it attracts more of the same thing.
Here are the 3 steps to practice for finding your true soul partner.
1. EVOKE – From the core of your innermost self, call your partner to you – soul to soul.
2. VISUALIZE – In your mind’s eye, see him coming. Know he is on his way.
3. RECOGNIZE – Know that you will meet each other easily and effortlessly, and that you will immediately recognize each other. And when he does show up, don’t second-guess it. Recognize him!
This is about love, right? Not about finding company. We can all find someone to spend time with, but not necessarily someone whom we really want to share our lives with. Yes, we might be able to find someone that can blend into our lives – but real love – real love – transcends all of this. It is spiritual recognition.
Spiritual intention is very focused. It is conscious. It is an evocation. It is a literal calling on spirit to match us up, soul to soul.
By calling in your soul partner, he will show up into your life like a magic trick. You will find yourself saying, “I’m not sure how it happened; he just showed up at the door . . .
. . . and, it was love at first sight.”
Diana Lang is a spiritual teacher and author of OPENING TO MEDITATION www.DianaLang.com Follow Diana Lang on Twitter: www.twitter.com/Diana Lang
Are You Listening? Relationship Advice From a Spiritual Perspective
~reprinted from the Huffington Post – Diana Lang
“Well, I think part of my gift, if I have one, is that I love listening.”
— Eric Clapton
We all know how good it feels to be really, really listened to. It is healing when we feel heard. But as you have likely discovered, good listeners are hard to find.
Rather than wishing that you knew more people — or anyone, for that matter — that listens well, I would recommend that you simply learn to be a good listener yourself.
Listening is an art. It is something we can cultivate over time. Some people have this more naturally than others, but anyone can learn the art of listening.
The trick to listening is to hear without judgment.
• It is not about just being quiet until the other person is done speaking.
• It is not about formulating your counter-thought while they are talking.
• It is not about sifting through all of your opinions until something they say matches up with
something you already think.
• It’s not about fixing the problem you perceive they are saying.
• It is not about arguing, or being louder, to make your point.
• It is not about being right.
It’s about being present — from your heart — and listening with your heart, to what that person is really trying to say. It’s about developing an open mind. It is a conscious practice of not jumping to preconceived conclusions or fixed opinions. It is simply listening with an open heart.
Just like a musician can have a good ear for music, or a gardener has a green thumb, or a mom has a mother’s intuition, it is the love of the subject that lets us listen past the words; it is love that keeps us interested, attentive, and caring.
Whether we are talking about the musician or the gardener, the mother or the listener, the common denominator here is love. The musician, out of love of the harmony will develop a more discerning ear. The gardener feels the heartbeat of the earth through her hands. A mother senses every nuance of her newborn’s breath, and a good listener really cares about the person that is speaking.
This cannot be faked.
Everyone feels everything. Like dogs in a park, we all know who’s boss — and who’s not. By a sniff! And, as you’ve seen, it’s not about which is the biggest (or the smallest). It can be the Chihuahua who rules the pack! We all feel energy.
When we are listening from our heart, or what I would call conscious listening, the other person feels heard — because they are being heard. We are not judging as we are listening, we are simply bearing witness to someone’s heart. This is a gift that we can give. And the one who is being heard can feel it — and knows it.
Listening is an act of love. When we love someone, we listen more deeply. We are hearing the tone of their voice, the rhythm of the cadence of their speech, the rise and fall of their inflection. We are hearing the real meaning of what they are saying, beyond the words they are using! This active listening is a deeper kind of intimacy.
Listening is inherently deeply respectful.
It says, I want to know you. You matter to me. I care what you are saying.
It says, I love you, so I hear you.
When we fall in love we are all excellent listeners. We really care. We really do want to know every little thing about them. We are paying 100 percent attention. We are not distracted; we are not thinking about something else; we are not thinking about ourselves. We are thinking about them and only them, and vice versa!
When we really listen, listening without judgment or agenda, we will experience an entirely different sort of conversation. It becomes a divine discourse. It is a true exchange of love. It is real connection. Our conversation becomes a collaboration and a grand exchange of intertwining concepts and ideas that we are sharing. We can lift each other up to higher and higher levels of mutual understanding.
Rather than trading opinions at each other, we become two people sharing ourselves with each other. Our conversation becomes a discussion versus a debate. It becomes a joyous interchange rather than a mental jousting match. When two people consciously converse, new ideas can develop. Both people will be expanded and come to new understandings and points of view.
This is conscious conversation.
What if we could begin to listen like this to everyone — our hairstylist, the plumber, our mother, our kids, our partner — with this much presence? Imagine a world where we really hear each other, rather than judge each other. What kind of world could we make?
Diana Lang is a spiritual teacher and author of
OPENING TO MEDITATION — www.DianaLang.com
Follow Diana Lang on Twitter: www.twitter.com/Diana Lang
Should I Lower My Standards? Relationship advice from a spiritual perspective
(reprinted from The Huffington Post.)
When it comes to relationships, we all have our standards. Standards are those ethical principles that we navigate our lives by. They are a kind of personal code by which we make choices, decisions and intentions. Fundamentally, they are the ideals that we hold dearest to our hearts. They are essential personal covenants that shape how we live our lives, determine what’s important to us, and effectively direct our motivation and direction. Our standards are foundational to every single thing we do.
The thing about standards, though, is everyone’s are different! By holding ourselves to our standards, we cannot help but hold others to them too. But because everyone has slightly — or radically — different ones, we can get in trouble when we try to impose our standards onto someone else.
In a relationship, congruous standards are important. It is said that the single most important component that allows a relationship to last is similar philosophy. Our standards are based on our philosophies. They are corresponding and interconnected. Everything else can be different between a couple: where we come from, how much money we have, the color of our skin, our ages, our interests, but if our standards are in conflict, then there will eventually be philosophical differences that can become an immense obstacle to sustaining the relationship.
This is why couples often find natural compatibility with a partner that comes from a similar religious faith, or from the same country, or even neighborhood! Where we come from influences and shape our standards. We are often naturally attracted to someone who inherently harmonizes with these standards…
Or, we can be attracted to the opposite.
If we are with someone who has different standards, and especially lower ones than ours, it can be very destructive. It can bring out the worst in us, instead of the best of us. If the discrepancy is great, it can turn out to be a match not made in heaven. This can do a lot of damage to our confidence and erode those things we hold paramount. If we start to doubt our own standards and lower them, each individual, and the relationship itself, will slowly be degraded. We can begin to doubt our core beliefs and values, and gradually, eventually, like the way water must flow downhill, our standards will devolve.
You never want to step down to someone’s lower standards. A standard is an ideal, something that we reach for and aspire to. And if our standards are lessened because we are afraid to hold them up, then the relationship will suffer for lack of principle, and lack of depth. It will feel empty.
The good news is that we can evoke a higher standard from our partner. When we hold our standard up, they get to step up to it — or step out of it. Don’t let anyone stem your spirit or your higher knowing. By holding to your higher standard, everyone will be better for it. When we hold to our standards we are actually offering our partner an opportunity to grow. By raising the bar in a relationship we all grow. By lowering our standards, we are diminished.
Diana Lang is a spiritual teacher and author of OPENING TO MEDITATION — www.DianaLang.com Follow Diana Lang on Twitter: www.twitter.com/Diana Lang
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/diana-lang/should-you-lower-your-sta_b_9717278.html
Save Space, Sacred Space – How to stay together
-Republished from the Huffington Post
When we first fall in love safe space just happens. At the beginning of a relationship we automatically develop this intimacy. Safe space is naturally occurring. We let our guard completely down. We are open. There is access, access, access — all the time — 24/7. We tell each other everything. We want to know everything about them, and we want them to know every-little-thing about us. These first intense, undefended, open, honest and vulnerable conversations begin to form the bond that is critical to the eventual longevity of the relationship.
Over time, this initial bonding gets deeper. Layer after layer of trust is established. Your relationship becomes solid like a mountain. It becomes sacred space.
Sacred space is that sacrosanct condition where two people come together in innocence and openness in the name of love. Anything can happen in this space. Anything can be said in this space. Anything can be forgiven in this space. And, everything can be held in this space. It is this safe, sacred space that allows our hearts to bond, unite, and become one. This is what marriage is in its ideal.
But, if it happens that this safe space is breached by broken trusts, harmful acts or words, or un-repaired misunderstandings and arguments, these relationship problems that normally could be worked out — are not worked out — and eventually, they can become unpredictable land mines that can blow us apart. An erosion of trust begins to occur by things like dishonesty, secrecy, duplicity, apathy, indifference, resentment, anger, etc.
Just as water can erode away a mountain over time, so too can the safe space of our relationship be worn away. If it gets bad enough, this erosion can become like the Grand Canyon. It becomes insurmountable with no possible way to reengage or reconcile, because there are so many hurt feelings, and so many unexpressed wounds of the heart. The distance becomes too great to bridge. We get psychologically beaten up, until finally, all we can do is pick up the broken pieces of our lives and limp away.
What stops the flow of vulnerability and trust in relationship are all those unspoken things. And, there can be so many unspoken things when we stop sharing. We stop telling each other every-little-thing. We begin to guard our hearts, and keep things from each other. We have little secrets about big things . . . and little things.
And sometimes, it’s the little things that can do the most damage. The old axiom of marriages breaking up because someone doesn’t put the toothpaste cap back on is a sad parable on Love Gone Wrong. We are arguing about nothing. But it’s really not nothing – it’s symbolic. The toothpaste cap becomes emblematic of all those little hurts and oversights that actually represent the growing distance and the widening chasm that is occurring in the relationship. It’s a warning.
This is dangerous territory. As the distance increases and our feelings get more and more hurt and sensitized, this dynamic can begin to ricochet, increasing in velocity, until it feels like we have created a chasm too wide to span.
So, now what do we do?
Somebody has to throw a line across the chasm or it will surely further fall apart. It doesn’t matter who is right or who is wrong. The one who is able to recognize the problem must be the first responder. Don’t wait until they do – they may never! Whoever is able to throw the first rope across the chasm — should. We have to put down our pride, or our need to be right, or our fear of rejection, and reach out anyway. Someone needs to start the conversation – and sooner than later. The more time that goes by disconnected, the harder it will be to reconnect.
The good news is, you can rebuild your safe space together. You can heal the breach and open your hearts to each other again. You can win back that lost territory by love and forgiveness, understanding and compassion. All you need to do is start the conversation – in vulnerability.
Vulnerability is the key. Otherwise, the chasm opens up all over again. In this safe space of openness and willingness you can start to repair the damage, build a new bridge, and anchor your love in an even deeper trust and vulnerability.
A successful relationship is based on trust, vulnerability, and intimacy. Creating safe space – sacred space – is how.
Where there is safe space there is humor, there is understanding, and most importantly there is forgiveness. Once sacred space is established, and then, protected, honored and respected, the love that is forged within that safe space can last a lifetime.
Diana Lang is a spiritual teacher and author of OPENING TO MEDITATION
Follow Diana Lang on Twitter: www.twitter.com/Diana Lang
MONEY and Love: How to Navigate the Nitty-Gritty of Finances in a Relationship
~ reposted from the Huffington Post
“Money can’t buy me love.”
~The Beatles
How you handle your finances with your partner will tell you a lot about what kind of a relationship you have. Right away, you can know if it’s a generous relationship or a stingy one. Do you share your resources, pool them, or keep them separate? Do you share expenses mutually, or always keep a running tally in your head? These are important questions in a relationship. The bottom line, when it comes right down to it, is: how your partner is in relationship with their money is likely how they will be in relationship with you.
From a metaphysical perspective, everything is energy — even money — maybe, especially money! The way we spend it, save it, share it, or hide it, are all indicative of how we feel about abundance, or the lack thereof.
If you are paying attention, you can know right in the beginning of your romance what your partner’s relationship is with money. It is evident in everything they do. Unfortunately, we might not see these signs, because in our need to make the relationship work, we may overlook some of the most blatant signs.
Here’s the hard truth: if someone is stingy with the waiter, they will likely be stingy with you — maybe not right away, but eventually. As nice as things may appear, or as good as everything might look on paper, if you read between the lines, you can see, if you’ll look, what your partner’s financial philosophy is — and therefore where you may stand, too.
So, pay attention. Remember, it is not about how much money a person has, or spending money we don’t have, or being reckless with the money we do; it’s about the energy we have about it. It’s about our relationship with money. Is it selfish or unselfish – whatever amount we have.
And, of course, this works both ways. You need to examine your relationship with money too. Where do you stand on the subject of money? Is there never enough, or is there more than enough? I can tell you for sure that people will come to the same monetary conclusions over and over again, based on their fundamental financial philosophy, no matter how much they have, or don’t have.
Because it’s not about how much money you have. It’s about WHATEVER money there is. If it’s $5 or $500, $5,000 or $5,000,000 — it’s all the same. It’s our relationship with money that we’re talking about here. Are we miserly or charitable? A person can be as tight OR as generous over $5 as much as with $5,000. It is all relative.
And, if this person is going to be your relative, then it’s worth your time to observe their relationship with money. Are they calculating or magnanimous? Are they honest and ethical in their business dealings, or greedy and bending the rules? Does your partner save money, loan money, gamble money, or give money? If they give it, do they expect something in return?
Sigh… the return. This is the bottom line. In the grim, monetary, business-is-business world, the return on investment IS the bottom line. But in the world of relationship, it is the death knell. Love is not a business transaction. So beware the man (or woman) who thinks so.
Like in all things relationship, communication is the bridge for better financial relationship happiness. In a healthy relationship, there should not be any taboo subjects. Subjects that are off the table, tell you where the problems will be. If your partner won’t talk about money issues, there is a money issue. If they won’t talk about their mother, there are mother issues. Get it?
So, be aware. Money can be a difficult subject. People sometimes feel that they can keep it separate somehow, because it is about numbers. It seems black and white. But the very black-and-whiteness of this money perspective can be the literal measuring stick of how much we will let ourselves be connected to someone. Are we “all in” or not? Money is not a separate subject. It is a living demonstration and expression of how connected we can be!
Love is inherently generous. Love is sincerely unselfish. Love is wholly sharing, what little or much we may have. If money is where we draw the line, then that very line, describes the depth of what our relationship can be. And that, my friends, is the real bottom line.
Diana Lang is a spiritual teacher and author of OPENING TO MEDITATION -www.DianaLang.com
“HOW WILL I KNOW (if he really loves me?)”
(as sung by Whitney Houston)
–reprinted from The Huffington Post
How do you know if he is into you?
And how into you is he?
Should you ask him straight up? Should you guess? Get a tarot card reading?
I would answer: If you don’t know where you stand in your relationship, then that is probably not a good sign.
When a man is into you – if you are “the one” – you will know.
This means that if you are not sure what your status is with him, then likely it is not too solid. And if you’ve been wondering after weeks and weeks, and maybe, months and months . . . even more so!
Basically what I am saying is, if you are wondering where you stand with your man, then your very unsureness is part of your answer.
A man will turn the world upside down to be with you if you are the one for him. He will cross the country, miss the big game, and throw his coat over a puddle for you to walk over.
You will see it in his eyes, you will hear it in his tone of voice, you will feel it in the touch of his hand, but most importantly, you will experience it by his actions. His feelings for you will be whispered into the background of every moment. If that’s not happening, retain that as data. As hard as that may be to contemplate, you need to consider it.
For a relationship to be strong, it needs to be authentic: not manufactured by a fantasy, or a wish, or an artificial timeline, but based on a truly genuine and real connection between the two of you.
Remember these 3 things as you navigate a new relationship.
- BE YOURSELF. Don’t compromise this. Be you. Who he is falling in love with is And if you are being anything less than you, it will come out sooner or later. So, be yourself right from the start. Let him see your true self: your vulnerability and your strength, your power and your fragility. The real you is beautiful and just right for the right person.
- BE PATIENT. He needs to realize for himself what he feels. Let him recognize his feelings for you in his own timing and his own way. Don’t try to cajole love. Don’t manipulate him, trick him or rush him into loving you. Plus, you wouldn’t be happy with the results anyway, even if they seem to succeed.
- Finally, it’s like that old saying says: IF IT’S MEANT TO BE, IT WILL BE, and I would add, and there’s nothing anyone can do to stop it. This is a spiritual truth, so you can trust it. Really, you don’t want to be with someone who is not right for you. He might look perfect on paper but not be right for you in real life. Trust this life principle, and let real love show up in your life.
If you remember these three points you won’t wonder what the state of your relationship is – it will become apparent. You will see it, feel it, and know it. When your man loves you, he will profess it, he will tell his friends and family, he will shout it out to high heaven! Everyone will know that you are the one – including, and especially YOU.
Diana Lang is a spiritual teacher and author of OPENING TO MEDITATION –www.DianaLang.com
Follow Diana Lang on Twitter: www.twitter.com/Diana Lang
Let Love In
(reposted from The Huffington Post)
To find true love, we must be true to love. ~Diana Lang
Opening your heart can be scary. Especially if you have been hurt in love . . . and who has not been hurt in love.
If I love you, will you love me back? This is our question. This is our fear. But this is also our deepest wish!
The fear of heartbreak is primal. The more we lean over the edge of the cliff of love, the more precipitous it can feel. There we are, with our heart waaay out there, on the very edge of our sleeves, hanging on by the tips of our toes to the edge of the crumbling cliff side, straining over the chasm in the hopes of true love. Love can be truly terrifying!
And so we protect ourselves, making sure we won’t get hurt again. Our hearts can harden. We can make ourselves invulnerable. Our hearts feel like an open wound that never really healed right. Over time, this wound can cover over and become a veritable scar, and impenetrable to new love. The gnarled scar tissue of old love wounds can become pretty grizzly over the years, to the point that when real love is offered we might not let ourselves be open enough to receive it. “I’m not going to get hurt again!” we declare.
If we do get brave enough to let ourselves open our hearts again, we can enter into a relationship literally halfheartedly, with our hearts hidden and protected under lock and key. The problem is, when we don’t bring our whole hearts to it, that love is likely doomed to fail.
Worse, the deeper we go in our relationship, the more there is to lose, and it becomes more and more difficult to take the risk of letting our hearts be vulnerable. We become uneasy and nervous, jumpy and touchy, loosing our perspective, taking everything personally, and quick to bolt.
But remember, a good relationship is built on give and take. And as much as we might be taking a risk in love – so is our partner.
From a spiritual perspective, it is always right to love. But there is a hard but beautiful truth inherent to this: Love is vulnerable. And you can’t take that part out of it. For the state of vulnerability requires actually feeling vulnerable.
The more vulnerable we are with each other, the deeper our love can grow. But conversely, the greater the depth of our pain if it doesn’t work.
To trust each other means to give over to each other, even in the face of our fear, that we could be left, walked out on, or be used.
Think of relationship like breathing. You breathe in, you breathe out. In this model, you receive love; you give love. It has to go both ways.
It’s like inhaling and exhaling. We need to trust the natural process of life. Just giving love can deplete us. The same as only taking love will back us up. Just like the breath, we must let it in and let it out. It must be both. Spiritual principle and nature say so.
There is so much risk in taking the chance to love again. We might think it’s easier to just not risk it at all. We worry, what if we’re wrong?
But I would counter, what if we’re right?
You can’t find a real love if you are not willing to really love.
So, take the risk to let love in. Let it in. Let it out. Let it flow. You might get some bumps and bruises along the way, and a little callous over here and a scar over there, but love is inherently brave. Take a risk. Practice vulnerability. Open your heart and see how love finds you!
Diana Lang is a spiritual teacher and author of OPENING TO MEDITATION – www.DianaLang.com
Follow Diana Lang on Twitter: www.twitter.com/Diana Lang
Vulnerability
In your vulnerability is your strength.
This is the secret of the feminine. As women, we may not realize the POWER of our position. We have been taught to fight like men do, but we cannot win well this way.
The masculine has a power in his own right, of course, and this is well-known and understood. This has been the primary energy in the world for many millennia. Up until now. The times are changing, and now is the time for the re-emergence of the feminine principles – of compassion, peace, and inclusion. These feminine principles are what the world is so desperately in need of.
The feminine is not masculine. Our power is in our Yin, not our Yang. We can literally soothe the savage beast and we can help heal this helter-skelter world.
In my workshops on masculine/feminine spirituality, one of the teaching stories I tell comes out of the ancient lore of the Celts.
“It was said that when the men came home from battle, bloody and wounded, and full of fight and rage and death, the women would meet their men at the outskirts of the village with their breasts bared.”
In this one simple and singular act, the women broke the spell of their men’s war-ignited blood lust and savagery. The returning soldiers were met by all the women of the village, young and old. For each age, from child, to maiden, to mother, to grandmother, has a power of her own. They did it to make their homes and hearths safe, their tribe civilized, and to effectively keep their community healthy and successful.
This instinct to be vulnerable, to literally expose the most sensitive, heart-centered part of themselves, returned their men, in one elegant gesture, back to their families and their community.
This gift of vulnerability is highly underestimated, and generally misunderstood for weakness. And this is a great loss to us all. For in baring our hearts, our souls, our feelings, our tears, we help heal our world, our men, and even the masculine within us – for we are all of us, a mix of both.
When we kill the feminine aspect, the masculine aspect will rule. The masculine without the feminine is unbalanced. It can be too brutal and coarse. The feminine brings heart, and love, and tenderness to mankind’s most mortal wounds.
Do not be ashamed of this tenderness. It is your gift. Let yourself fully embrace and embody the power of your touch, your understanding, your compassion, tending this power like a holy flame. In this way, we can heal ourselves, and we can heal each other.
This means to lead with your heart and to stand in the strength of love, in the power of compassion, and the clarity of truth.
This is not weakness. This is strength.
We can create a new world that heals our lives, our men, and ourselves.
So, when next you find yourself with the opportunity to open your heart – Let love rule – in truth, in simplicity, in authenticity, and in power. Simply love –heart on your sleeve – in the power of vulnerability, and watch what happens!
Diana Lang is a spiritual teacher and author of OPENING TO MEDITATION www.DianaLang.com
© DIANA LANG 2015
REPRINTED FROM THE HUFFINGTON POST
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Excerpt from TREASURE MEDITATION
There is a word I love to use in meditation which is “buoyant”
I use it often
It is one of my favorite words to describe the relationship between the soul and the self.
The idea of being buoyant to life
Means no matter how deeply you might get dunked
You will always float back up.
The word buoyant has the root word “buoy” in it
So, it can be the stormiest of seas
but that little buoy of *YOU* is going to pop back up.
The soul is like that.
So, when I say, “Be buoyant.”
I am reminding you HOW
To connect to the soul.
Because the soul is inherently buoyant.
To listen to this meditation in its entirety, and many more, go to:
https://soundcloud.com/diana_lang/treasure-meditation
© Diana Lang 2015
Excerpt from AWE AND WONDER MEDITATION
Be in wonder of the changes
Be in awe of your movement
And your non-movement
Be in wonder at the process of life
As life unfolds
Even within a day
Even within a breath
It is unfolding in all kinds of convolutions
From the essence of us
out.
And each convolution
good, bad, good, bad, good, bad, good, bad
Are reflections
Like our shadow
Or our light
Of where we are
Right now.
And when you can stand in awe of this process
vs. egoic evaluation
This process becomes sacred.
It is so tempting to measure where we are
To something, to someone else, to some artificial time frame
Like a date on a calendar
It is so tempting to measure and compare
Ourselves to ourselves
Or to each other
Or to someone else’s standard
When all that the soul is showing us
Is our next step
In perfect timing to the life.
To listen to this meditation in its entirety, and many more, go to:
https://soundcloud.com/diana_lang
© Diana Lang 2015
Excerpt from THE SOUND OF THE SOUL
Photo art by Anna Marinenko
How do you recognize the sound of the soul?
versus the ego’s voice
They are both in our head
So it can seem hard to tell the difference
But, it’s not hard to FEEL the difference
It’s not hard to feel the difference at all.
The soul’s impressions are loving
Always
And only
They are peaceful
Even in the middle of a calamity
The souls advice is calm
And kind
And unafraid
While the ego’s advice is full of fear
And that is why it’s on fire all the time
With LOTS of advice
Conflicting advice
It will argue five sides – in the same breath
The soul’s advice is SINGULAR
And it is simple
s i m p l e
This is another way you can recognize it
Because it is the next step
And the next step is simple
It’s the one right in front of you
It’s not ten steps down the road
It’s the very next one
And so it is simple
While the ego is busy strategizing
What if this happens? What if that happens?
It is projecting
Into the future
Fears…fears…fears…fears…fears
The soul just says, “yes.”
And that is all.
To listen to this meditation in its entirety, and many more, go to:
https://soundcloud.com/diana_lang/the-sound-of-the-soulmp3
© Diana Lang 2015
700 Books
The whole thing was so surreal. A guy was asking for books to donate on my local neighborhood internet site, Nextdoor.com. So, I took this as incentive to finally cull 700 books from my thousands of books in my library, which I had dearly been wanting to do.
I carried all 700 books up 3 flights of stairs, and according to my FitBit I did 122 flights of stairs today, and 84 yesterday! So it really was quite a feat!
He just left my house now at 10:00 pm, on the eve of the Full Moon. An Englishman from Islington, where I used to live in London, who turns out is a rockstar in Europe! He came with his manager, who he had just picked up from LAX, totally travel-worn from London, and they swung by and loaded up their car with books to the ceiling.
We got to talking about music and such, and he knew who my dad was through Peter Gabriel, so I gave him a Stick cd, and also MY book.
Life is so funny sometimes.
Excerpt from LAVENDER MEDITATION
And it really doesn’t matter if you can hear my words or not
The sound is the thing
The vibration is the thing
As you line yourself up, soul to self
You can translate and recognize that vibration better.
As you take those first initiative breaths
They synch you up
And line you up
With all that is
With the divine flow
With God Force
By a breath
By a breath.
By a breath you can return to this structured consciousness that you are building.
And this is such an important principle that isn’t talked about too often in meditation
Which is, the increasing concentration of consciousness that is constructed by your meditation practice
That every time you meditate you are mining a depth
Like a well
That you can re-source yourself to
More and more easily
As it gets deeper and deeper.
This is a gift.
And so when you take a breath, you meditators
When you take a breath,
Consciously
There is something there
There is something there to meet you
It is like your oldest friend
The soul.
And so, the soul and self
– via the breath –
become one.
Because the breath is the bridge between the soul and the self.
And as you use that exhalation
Like an elevator
To take you in
To take you IN
You begin to build this
Working cooperation
A relationship
With the soul
That is activated
As opposed to passive.
The soul is always there to meet you
It never stops sending
love…love….love…love…love…love…love…love
This is the pulse of the soul.
To listen to this meditation in its entirety, and many more, go to:
https://soundcloud.com/diana_lang/lavender-meditation
© Diana Lang 2015
BIG LOVE
EXCERPT from tonight’s meditation, BIG LOVE.
Where we meet the frequency of love,
all the attachment of negativity and worry and fear
just fall away.
And then, you become part of that Big Love.
And you remember
that you are already a part of that Big Love.
In our consternation, and tightness, and fear
we can have the experience of apparent separation.
But there is no separation
except the one we make ourselves.
So every time you meditate
ONE of the things that is happening
is a return to Soul*Self,
a return to essence,
and you remember who you are
at the level of soul IN the life.
So everything that is separative
(that the ego creates)
like shame
(which is a big umbrella subject
creating the appearance of division and separation.)
When in truth there is no separation.
For we are a One Life,
and we are all connected,
ALL the time.
So when we meditate we remember
this truth.
And the ego structures of fear that get built around us
unconsciously and consciously
just simply dissolve.
And we return to love.
Which is our natural state.
The greatest detriment to self realization
is UNself realization.
And what unself realization is,
is the ego’s creation.
And the greatest expression of that unself-realization,
conscious or unconscious is
s
h
a
m
e.
And so, I forgive myself for everything.
These are not just some pretty words.
This is an energetic, spiritual ACTION.
I forgive everybody for everything.
I forgive myself for everything.
And it is real.
And then realized.
And then manifest.
But this is a practice, right?
Because this is the Big Work,
to return to the state of love
that has no shame
that creates no separation
nor the experience or appearance of division.
It is a practice,
a constant practice
of self awareness
and self-honesty
to dissolve
those prison bars
of unworthiness
that don’t allow our remembering of
Our True Self.
which is Love.
To LISTEN to this meditation in its entirety go to:
https://soundcloud.com/diana_lang/big-love-meditation
© Diana Lang 2015
My first vlog post!
My first vlog.
