A BEAUTIFUL INTERVIEW with my dear friends, and sweet co-creative sisters, Madeleine and Bonnie Culbertson on their beautiful new podcast, 101 WAYS TO SAVE THE WORLD.
INTERVIEW on 101 Ways to Save the World
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Tag Archives: Diana Lang
A minute on the Autumnal Equinox 2020
How to Build a Crystal Grid
Full Moon Meditation of July 4, 2020
a Sunday meditation
VIOLET #2 – A Healing Meditation
A Mandala of Health MEDITATION
Full Moon Meditation for May 2020 – If you can’t go outside, go inside.
New Moon Thoughts
It’s Earth Day and a new moon tonight. Just happened at 7:26 pm, pacific time. It’s a great big grand square. No surprise there. We all know it’s been rough out there.
Here’s my advice for right now. Whilst all this disarray is certainly occurring, there is also a gorgeous trine from Venus to Mars in air signs. Stay up and above the fray of the very messy (and needed) reality that is changing everything. We are going to come out of this mostly ok, and hopefully different. The opportunity here is a real change in our world. It is happening. Now. What’s been talked about for a thousand years is happening. These are the times. And WE are the ones we’ve been waiting for. A new world is emerging.
🙏🏻
ASHRAM – Taking Care of Yourself during these Times
Full Moon Meditation – March 2020
Solstice Intention Meditation
With the New Year coming this is a good time to view the Winter Solstice Intention-Setting Meditation presented by Diana Lang, with performances by Hanna Haas and Aaron Goldberg.
One minute on the Emerging Feminine
THE WEATHER REPORT with Diana Lang – September 5, 2019
New Moon in Virgo
THIS NEW MOON is potent and powerful and HELPFUL. Think, “the Art of Tidying,” except it’s about every subject of your life. Clean out the clutter in your closet, but also clean out the clutter in your emotional one too. This is a moon that is earthy and real and manifest. This is a moon to organize your priorities and your philosophies. Simple, straightforward and true. Be ready for the changes that are happening, and coming, by putting your inner affairs in order, om~
Exact in Los Angeles at 3:37 pm, Friday, August 30.
THE WEATHER with Diana Lang – August 20, 2019
ONE MINUTE on Tonglen by Diana Lang
Should You Lower Your Standards?
RELATIONSHIP ADVICE FROM A SPIRITUAL PERSPECTIVE – by Diana Lang
When it comes to relationships, we all have our standards. Standards are those ethical principles that we navigate our lives by. They are a kind of personal code by which we make choices, decisions and intentions. Fundamentally, they are the ideals that we hold dearest to our hearts. They are essential personal covenants that shape how we live our lives, determine what’s important to us, and effectively direct our motivation and direction. Our standards are foundational to every single thing we do.
The thing about standards, though, is everyone’s are different! By holding ourselves to our standards, we cannot help but hold others to them too. But because everyone has slightly – or radically – different ones, we can get in trouble when we try to impose our standards onto someone else.
In a relationship, having congruous standards are important. It is said that the single most important component that allows a relationship to last is similar philosophy. Our standards are based on our philosophies. They are corresponding and interconnected. Everything else can be different between a couple: where we come from, how much money we have, the color of our skin, our ages, our interests, but if our standards are in conflict, then there will eventually be philosophical differences that can become an immense obstacle to sustaining the relationship.
This is why couples often find natural compatibility with a partner that comes from a similar religious faith, or from the same country, or even neighborhood! Where we come from influences and shape our standards. We are often naturally attracted to someone who inherently harmonizes with these standards . . .
. . . or, we can be attracted to the opposite.
If we are with someone who has different standards, and especially lower ones than ours, this can be very destructive. It can bring out the worst in us, instead of the best in us. If the discrepancy is great, it can turn out to be a match not made in heaven. This can do a lot of damage to our confidence and erode those things we hold paramount. If we start to doubt our own standards and lower them, each individual, and the relationship itself, will slowly be degraded. We can begin to doubt our core beliefs and values, and gradually, eventually, like the way water must flow downhill, our standards will devolve.
You never want to step down to someone’s lower standards. A standard is an ideal, something that we reach for and aspire to. And, if our standards are lessened because we are afraid to hold them up, then the relationship will suffer for lack of principle, and lack of depth. It will feel empty.
The good news is that we can evoke a higher standard from our partner. When we hold our standard up, they get to step up to it – or step out of it. Don’t let anyone stem your spirit or your principles. By holding to your higher standard, everyone will be better for it. When we hold to our standards we are actually offering our partner an opportunity to grow. By raising the bar in a relationship we all grow. By lowering our standards, we are diminished.
Diana Lang is a spiritual teacher and author of OPENING TO MEDITATION www.DianaLang.com
First published for the Huffington Post.
a poem by me
MATTERING
I think therefore I am
this is what I have learned
that my mind defines me
it makes parameters and structure
and great long avenues of delineated thought
that flow upon logic freeways and take me where I want to go
and that are in step and in synch with the global cultural experience.
We agree upon that.
And so my Mind has been my spiritual path
it was the agreed upon road to follow
the quickest path to the consensus goal of “achievement and success”
and so I learned it
I learned to reason
I learned to be reasonable
I learned to be creative within the parameters of structured thought
and I became slowly, but surely, confined by it.
I became slave to it.
My mind became my keeper
It became the Golden Calf,
a false idol that weakly tried to emulate divinity
a cheap copy of God.I think therefore I am.
a cheap copy of God.I think therefore I am.
But what I am realizing is that I am God.
I was God all along.
I am materialized God in form.
We all are.
And my little innocent light
the one that has no brain
the one that just is
the one that doesn’t even try
and, in fact, trying would make it less so
the one that asks for nothing
and knows that it is everything
the part of me and us that wonders
and simply lives and breathes
and loves and lives
AND yes, thinks
without any strategy
without a plan or a five-year goal
without botox or a diet
without a new car or the internet
without any language even
is the one that matters.
And it is this innocence, this natural reflection of God
this gentle response to Light
the simple holding a butterfly on our finger’s grace
that matters most of all.
And so I am knowing, these days, that I matter
And I can move thru this world, on this road less traveled
the one that is impulsed by my inspiration
a direct reflection of my light,
or be on the crazy 405
and still,
just be me
and that is enough
in fact, not just enough,
but a grace upon the earth
a gift unto the world.
And we are all of this,
that.
We matter.
© Diana Lang 2019
sky news
As many of you know, I am a lifelong astrologer, and there is some good news in the sky these days, and I wanted to share. Mercury has been retrograde for the last 3 weeks and it goes direct tomorrow evening, a semi-minor occurrence, as this occurs at least three times a year for about 3 weeks every year. (Though, it gets interesting when the retrograde crosses important points and planets on your chart, and in that case, it can be a very big deal!) Mostly, however, these things come and go like a little frisky wind moving through the life. It is always good, in a wake up and smell the coffee kind of way. Tomorrow, Thursday, Mercury goes direct. If you have noticed little miscommunications or misfires of efforts, the tides will begin to turn now. Wonderfully, it’s also a new moon. Think of this like a little breath of really fresh air. Like a morning where the house is warm and you open up the windows to allow the cool fresh air of winter to come blowing through, brisk, revitalizing and renewing. There is, as always, so much I could say about all of this, but see if this little celestial weather report opens up a corresponding window in your awareness for a new beginning and some bright, clear, clean, forward moving energy in your life.
love, Diana
A new YouTube piece by me, SHARING YOUR GIFTS
THE VOW
THE VOW
THE VOW I took at my first breath
was the one about survival
That one I couldn’t really resist because it was instinctive
but i have to admit that it feels like a vow
It needed to be a vow for me,
not just an instinct
because i needed to survive
my delicate mindedness was too refined for the coarseness of this experience
and i fought this vow with fists up and a sarcastic posture
so that i could take the easier way
and just let go
of this experience
But my soul knew me too well
and made me take a vow
so that i would survive
and make me stay here
despite myself
Okay, that makes sense.
the vow to survive so i wouldn’t give up before i was done
But then a secondary vow was made
this one was i made voluntarily
and that was love
I think I’ve made that vow every day of my life since i could think
not love in the sense that most think of it
not mushy love
dreamy love
romantic love
but love as the action
as the pursuit
as the living breathing experience of my life
to love as a discipline
to love through confusion
and discomfort
to love the unlovable
in me and in others
to love when my own heart is broken
to love through thick and thin
to love through hell and back
to love to heaven
to love with all the meanings of love
the ascension of love
the devolution of love
to keep loving
open eyed
standing there as a witness to love
to dissolve into love
to evolve into love
a pillar of carbonite crystal
that doesn’t move
that doesn’t hesitate
that only discerningly poignantly exactly and generally
keeps choosing love
in the face of not-love
that is the vow i take
And now, my new vow is take that big love of mine
and aim it at myself
So that i can complete that circle of love
and not just pulse and pulse and pulse
out
with no return
but to let it return
love to me
love for me
love as me.
© Diana Lang 2018
Full Moon Afterthoughts at Meditation Mount – Dec. 3, 2017
1 Minute on COURAGE with Diana Lang
Play video to watch >
One minute on ACCEPTANCE with Diana Lang
Follow the link to watch.
An interview with Kim Corbin on NEW WORLD NOW.
Full Moon Meditation – SOUL HEALING
A Minute on Grace
A minute on compassion
A Minute on Truth
A one-minute video on Love
2-minute Full Moon Meditation – July 2017
on meditation
Meditation is fundamentally and etherically practical.
Meditation is an ancient discipline designed to help you learn to be more present in your life. It is an art that is practiced. It is something that we keep growing into, discovering, unraveling, and expanding to learn the gorgeous difference between thinking and mindfulness. Meditation resets your soul compass and reconnects you to your inner guidance.
Meditation works best when you least want to. Part of the discipline of meditation is to sit whether you feel like it or not. It is a training of the ego, to learn what I call, “sit and stay.” In the stillness that this discipline entrains, a space of deep and growing awareness can be known. This is an enormous gift because you inner knowing will never lead you astray. It always leads you to the soul’s next step. By setting up a daily practice, you are opening up a dialogue for an ongoing conversation with your soul.
www.DianaLang.com 2016
INTUITION is Your Superpower
(reprinted from the Huffington Post)
Your intuition is like a superpower. We use it every day in a thousand ways. We use is it in every transaction, negotiation and relationship we engage in.
Intuition is a deep inner listening.
And we all have this ability.
Intuition is a faculty of higher mind. It is a kind of extra sensory perception, as it were. Intuition allows us to discern between the billions of information bits that we are thinking, to discover by filtering through all of this sensory data, the common denominator, which is: the truth of something.
There is often so much mental clutter around certain subjects, especially ones that are important to us, that we sometimes cannot cognize what we think. That’s because we are thinking everything at the same time! When we’re afraid, and especially when we feel our lives depend on it, we can be thinking thousands of thoughts simultaneously with no conscious prioritization. This can put us into utter chaos!
But just behind the veil of the pros-and-cons list of our life, and all the myriad information that we pick up along the way – behind all that data – waiting patiently for us, is our personal inner knowing. Not what the world would say, not what someone else thinks about a subject, but our very own precious knowing.
Intuition helps us sense our way through life’s problems. We can sense when to move and when not to move. We can feel the intentions of another. We can intuit if something is right for us or not. It is literally our “inner sight.” It is insight!
Your intuition is the most accurate gauge of someone’s intention and heart. Your intuition can tell you what something really is. By heeding this deep inner listening, the truth of it can shine through. Because we really do know, or I should say, we can know. We just need to stop, and consciously ask ourselves…
…and then, listen.
Like this:
Become quiet inside yourself. This is very like a little mini-meditation. Sit perfectly still and empty your mind. When you think ofthe decision, the person, or the situation, what do you intuit? (Not, what do you think.) For the moment, put aside your opinions, judgments, or preconceived ideas. What does your heart know? What is your intuition?
Really, deeply listen.
Does your inner self give you a thumbs-up or a thumbs-down? Is there an internal nod of YES, or a squeezing contracted feeling of NO? You will feel it. It is very definite.
Here’s the thing, if you are listening with your intuition, you will know. We can be fooled by the external information of things. We can be overloaded by the sheer density of the concerns that are connected to our question, or overwhelmed by the fears we have of the potential domino-consequence of it. The problem is that the answer we think is right may look great on paper but not be good for our life. Intuition includes logic, but logic doesn’t necessarily include intuition.
It’s important to remember as you are gathering impressions to not be tempted to manufacture reasons to substantiate these impressions while you are receiving them. Listen to your intuition. But don’t try to justify your intuition. If you need to “prove” what or why your intuition is telling you something, you are already out of the intuitive state and back into the ego’s limited fear-logic. This is why intuition is intuition, not deduction or analysis. It’s a whole different faculty of mind.
There is no greater insight than what your intuition senses and offers – if you’ll listen.
It is how Einstein was able to conceive E=mc2. He intuited it first; then he proved it.
Your intuition is a powerful tool. It is like having a secret power, and in time, and with practice, you will learn to trust it more and more. It will guide you seamlessly through life. It will nudge you left when left is exactly the right move for you. As you become more adept in listening to your intuition, you will find yourself navigating your life more and more deftly, decision by decision, choice by choice, breath by breath, moment by moment.
And what is extraordinary about this inner knowing, this intuition, this superpower, is that it is adaptable and ever-responding to the ever-changing circumstance of our ever-changing reality!
Like any superpower, you need to cultivate and develop your intuition. Practice trusting your inner knowing. Get good at it. Let your intuition guide your life, for it will always lead you true.
Diana Lang is a spiritual teacher and author of
OPENING TO MEDITATION – www.DianaLang.com
…But He’s Got Potential!
(Reprinted from the Huffington Post)
RELATIONSHIP ADVICE FOR WOMEN FROM A SPIRITUAL PERSPECTIVE
“Everyone is gifted, but some people never open their package.” ~Wolfgang Riebe
Everyone has potential. We are born with it.
But the big question is will we live up to it? Will we meet it?
Just because we have potential doesn’t mean we will express it in our life.
As women, one of the very best qualities we have is that we can see the best in people. We can sense what a person is capable of. This is an incredibly significant sensitivity. As a mother, for instance, it’s important to see our children’s potential. We want to help them foster and cultivate it to help them realize their potential in the world.
But when we take this skill into the dating arena, this very same ability may not always be in our best interest…and it can sometimes even prove to be our greatest downfall. Because we can sense what our partner is capable of, we may be too quick to throw all our eggs in that heart-basket whether that potential will ever be actualized or not.
We can sense that potential right there, just beneath the surface. But because of woundings from childhood, or just plain being thwarted by life, our partner may leave their most valuable gifts unexpressed, laying dormant in their inner-diamond-heart like hidden buried treasure.
We can fool ourselves out of our need or desperation and develop a fantasy about our man that seems, and feels true, but is not actually realizing. We may gloss over what we hope our partner can be, rather than what he actually is. We can even fall in love with his potential.
That inner part of you that is aware knows all of this though, and this is what you must call on as you navigate the dating minefields of love. It’s important to stay awake to reality, especially in a new relationship, and especially if you find yourself head-over-heels in love, where it’s easy to lose all sight of shore.
In life, and especially in regard to men, the proof is in the pudding. This means, it is by his action that you can discern his potential-into-reality-ratio. For example, when there is a problem or a challenge, what does he actually do? Does he show up? Does he keep his word? Do his words match his actions? Does he admit when he’s wrong? When he fails, does he try again? Does he do what he says? The answers to these questions are the beginnings of perceiving a man’s character and sense of purpose.
It’s pretty straight forward, really. For a man leads by his action. What he does doIS what he is thinking and feeling. So, if he is not doing something, if he is not showing up, if he isn’t coming through, then that IS how he feels. His actions will show you.
There is an old saying that says: behind every great man is a great woman. A man needs someone to believe in him. That is how his best will shine forth. It’s important to help your man realize his potential. That potential IS there. But it’s equally important that he lives up to it. That he shows you. That he tries.
And yes, many people have not yet fully realized their potential; it is a work in progress, is it not? However, it will still be being implemented in some way. Actionswill be being taken. Real efforts will be being made, with real results.
So, let him show you. Let him prove it. And while he is showing it to you, he will prove it to himself.
And, of course, we all need to ask ourselves the same question. Am I living up to my full potential?
From a spiritual perspective, not only do we need to live up to our potential; it is our responsibility to. It is a spiritual imperative. None of this is predicated on success, of course. It isn’t about winning, or making the most money, or getting an Oscar, though of course, you may. It is about living your life with passion and compassion, with creativity and curiosity, and letting that beautiful inner diamond within you be expressed, some way, somehow!
Diana Lang is a spiritual teacher and author of
OPENING TO MEDITATION – www.DianaLang.com
BIG RED
“Owwww, oww, owwwww,” I cried.
“It’s nothing.” said my friend. “It’s just a scrape.”
Meanwhile blood was spilling everywhere in an ever-widening pool around our feet.
Somehow, as I was showing my new friend how to ride a tricycle, which she had never done before, and I held the trike steady for her so it wouldn’t move out from under her as she sidled on, I had my hand precariously gripped tight around the big front wheel. As she got on she pushed the pedals hard, and before I was ready, my index finger caught in the spokes and chopped the top of it off. Blood was gushing out in great big bloops of deep shiny crimson drops everywhere.
I called my trike Big Red because that’s what it was, and my new little friend who had just moved in a couple of houses down from ours had seen me riding really fast down our little San Fernando Valley street in Encino, in those track houses that were built for the soldiers coming home from WW2 and Korea, and I would go tearing down the sidewalk with the white plastic streamers flowing at at least 5 miles an hour. And she wanted to do that too. And even at three and a half, I knew I could teach anybody anything that I knew how to do, so I was showing her.
“Come ooooon,” she complained. “I want to gooooo.”
“Okay, okay,” I said, tears in my eyes, holding the bike steady so she could get back on, blood pouring down the sides of the tire and my jeans.
I held my finger tight to slow down the spurting blood. I was starting to feel dizzy.
But here’s the funny part and what I most remember. It was how embarrassed I was.
Embarrassed that I had hurt myself.
Shame that she had to stop what she was doing, and that she had noticed.
The stupidity of me that I had done something that I couldn’t hide.
And somehow that I had wrecked her first tricycle riding experience.
So I bit my lip hard and I took my little white t-shirt hem and wrapped it tight around my finger like a tourniquet ,so it would bleed into the t-shirt, and it wouldn’t be so obvious.
And this worked well enough.
She immediately began to pedal with a great big smile on her face.
I let go faster this time.
I remember her laughing and laughing as she rode my Big Red, round and round in big weaving circles in the driveway.
And I was happy she was happy.
I really was.
This is a true story. The End.
DIANA LANG © 2016
TWO-AND-A-HALF MINUTES – a little story about Concentration
Her eyes were riveted on the rim of the glass she was carefully holding, as she practically tiptoed across the living room floor to bring her grandmother the very full glass of the special pink lemonade punch her mother had made and asked her to deliver. She felt like she was practically hovering over the ground, her concentration was so deep. “Don’t spill the punch, don’t spill the punch” she chanted as she crept across the snow-white carpet of the living room floor.
One time, last year, at her sister’s birthday party, she had spilled the bright red kool-aid on the carpet as she hurried to quickly across the room in time for the birthday song, and she had gotten in so much trouble. Her mother had had to call the carpet cleaner, and when her father got home she got in trouble again, she could still feel his disappointment in her. That was seventy-five dollars they didn’t have to waste. She was humiliated and embarrassed. She would be more careful next time, she had promised.
So now, as she made her careful way across the wide expanse of the living room floor, the punch gently swashing from side to side, just edging up to one side of the lip of the glass, then gently to the other, she hoped fervently she would not spill this drink. But boy, was it full, she thought.
The worst part for her, she was realizing, was that the more she concentrated the more the punch seemed to slosh closer to the brim. She wondered if she was noticing that it appeared closer to the brim because she was concentrating so hard and so it was magnified, or was she noticing it more because it really was sloshing closer to the brim? Both, she knew. She continued to creep her way across the what seemed ever-widening distance between the kitchen and the living room, concentrating with all her might, to where everyone sat laughing and talking.
“Don’t spill the punch, don’t spill the punch,” she repeated silently to herself.
The back and forth sloshing of the punch in the glass became greater and greater. Her hand was practically shivering from the muscular contraction that she held the glass with to hold it still. The more it moved, the tighter she held it. The tighter she held it, the more her hand shook from the exertion. It really was a physical conundrum.
This is not going well, she thought to herself. Her fear of spilling, the embarrassment, the punishment, flooded her mind, but also equally, the goal of bringing her beloved grandmother the punch created a chaotic condition in her mind that almost had her in tears, which of course, just made the tension greater.
It was just then that her grandmother’s gaze caught her eyes – and held her.
She used her grandmother’s eyes to right herself. She relaxed her hand. Her grandmother saw her concentration and she gently smiled. She relaxed some more. Okay, okay concentrate, concentrate, she told herself. I can do this. She held the glass steady, and looking directly at her grandmother’s eyes, she let her grandmother’s gaze carry her the rest of the way across the white-carpeted floor like a tractor beam. She never even looked at the glass. She just concentrated on her grandmother’s soft, knowing smile and aimed for it. And before she knew it, she was there. Her grandmother took the glass from her hands.
“Why thank you, darling girl. My, that’s a full glass. And you didn’t spill a drop!” She laughed and took a deep swig of red punch, then put the glass down, and swept me into her lap, where she held me good and deep into her big bazooms (that’s what she called them,) laughing and hugging me hard, and put me back together again.
DIANA LANG © 2016
The Power of Telling the Truth
RELATIONSHIP ADVICE FROM
A SPIRITUAL PERSPECTIVE
It can be scary to tell our partner how we really feel sometimes. Out of politeness, embarrassment, shyness, avoidance, or just not wanting to hurt their feelings, we can find ourselves not sharing our innermost feelings. We may find ourselves inhibiting and censoring our truest, deepest worries and fears with the people we love the most. And, our relationships will suffer for it – from the lack of depth, from lack of real connection, and from the shear superficiality of inauthenticity.
Here is a spiritual rule of thumb: the more someone matters to you, the more you owe them your Truth.
But, what is our truth?
Truth is how you actually feel. Not how you are supposed to feel. Not what society says you should feel, or how you think you should feel. It is what you do feel – in your heart. For in our hearts, we all know what those truths are.
When I am talking with a client and they tell me how they really feel, I will ask them if they have shared this with their partner, and invariably they will say, “Well, I can’t say that, can I?”
And I answer: Yes, of course you can.
And you need to.
If you want your relationship to deepen and grow, then you have to trust the love that the relationship is built on. You need to bet on love. Even, in the worse case scenario, if you discover that the relationship cannot handle deeper feelings, then that’s good information to know. It tells you something of the depth and durability of the love. So, you really have nothing to lose in finding this out. And, potentially, everything to gain.
But how do we speak these fragile vulnerabilities, these hurts and pains, when our fear is that if we do, it will just make things worse?
This brings us to another spiritual principle, which is: the truth will make you free. Truth is a precious commodity. Your innocent and uncensored truth, the truth of your heart, is valuable to your relationship. By telling the truth to your partner, you are opening up the possibility for more intimacy in your relationship.
So often, this can be difficult. We can be afraid to say the most important things in our heart for fear of being rejected or abandoned. We can be afraid that they will never understand.
How you share your truth is a delicate matter. People’s feelings can and do get hurt. It’s hard to hear that there may be a difference of opinion or a problem. But not sharing your truth doesn’t allow anything to change at all.
So, how do you share your feelings without hurting, scaring, or upsetting your partner?
The answer is by expressing your truth in vulnerability.
You need to be vulnerable so your partner can hear you. Otherwise, they likely will feel attacked, disparaged, unvalued, belittled, criticized, and mostly, unloved.
So, how we say it really MATTERS. I’m not saying you should be manipulative or strategic – I mean the opposite, in fact. I am saying to speak your vulnerable truth without righteousness or design, without tactic or need to win, but simply, to speak your unguarded, vulnerable, ever-loving truth.
Which means, speak your truth with love.
– Because truth by itself can be brutal and without mercy.
– And, love by itself can be too tolerant, ambiguous, and possibly codependent.
When you put these two principles together, truth plus love, you have power. Now your truth makes an arrow that pierces through, to the heart of the matter – safely – because it is founded on love. You then are gifting your partner with loving truth.It’s like lancing a wound. Now, it can heal.
This is not so easy to do. It takes courage – heart courage – partly because we have to first face our own demons and realize what we really feel, and how we really feel. We must take ourselves into our internal laboratory and be really, reallyhonest with ourselves. By doing this, we are taking responsibility for what our own truth is, without blaming, without harming, and without rancor. It is simply how we feel.
By looking at ourselves first – with compassion – we can begin to heal our lives and everyone in our lives.
Because from a spiritual perspective, when one person gets it, everyone can get it.
We all benefit from your inner awareness. We are all healed by truth.
And, the truth will make us all free.
Diana Lang is a spiritual teacher and author of
OPENING TO MEDITATION – www.DianaLang.com
A little interview on the feminine/masculine principle – Transitioning from work to relationship
Through Thick And Thin
WHAT MAKES A RELATIONSHIP WORK
When you think of relationships that work, really, really work, whose do you think of? Not just the ones that manage to stay together, but the ones that are ever growing and expanding, romantic and intimate. It’s likely that not many come to mind.
What is it about that relationship that makes it endure through thick and thin? Because, thick and thin are going to happen. What it is it about a relationship that makes it last?
Those relationships that make it through the tests of time, that make it through the ups and down of life, from arguments, loss of jobs, money problems, teenagers, midlife crisis, health issues, and mothers-in-laws, to boot, are built on an integral strength that is based on real connection.
Real connection and chemistry look a lot alike, but they are not the same.And, yes, most often they will both be there. But there is a distinction between these qualities of love. Real connection is beyond chemistry. It is more likerecognition. When you meet, it feels like you already know each other. Like you always have. You could be opposites in every way, culturally, religiously, philosophically, and still, that recognition is there.
Real connection can include chemistry but is not dependent on chemistry.Chemistry does not, of itself, equal connection — or longevity. Without a heart connection it will be short-lived or forced. Sometimes we try to jam chemistry into the slot of real connection, and this can become a heavy woe. Trust that you will know the difference, because there is a difference, and you can feel it.
It’s not something that will escape you, or that you might miss, or that is illusive. It’s right there in the forefront – and very different than chemistry by itself. Real connection has a force to it, a rightness that is undeniable. It has a mandate about it. It’s like a cosmic instruction: “You two are one.” There is no doubt, there is no unsureness, and you will both know it.
From a spiritual perspective, real connection, is an authentic, undeniable, mutual connection built on real appreciation and respect for each other. Real connection is when we instinctively turn to each other, rather than to someone else. It is not a compromise or a settling. And, it’s not that “I can’t live without you,” it’s rather, “I don’t want to live without you.” It’s a relationship where who you are when you are not even trying is exactly what your partner loves about you. And vice-versa!
Of course, this doesn’t mean everything in every moment is perfect. It just means that at its heart, there is a real regard, even admiration for each other that is core to the relationship. It doesn’t need to be manufactured or forced. It’s just there. It’s like a love safety net.
Relationships will test everything we are, individually, and as a couple. But they also can heal old wounds, and break our hearts open to deeper and more profound levels of love.
Ultimately, time really will tell. For real love will grow you, and show you what real togetherness is.
It’s the little things, you know. The kindnesses, the forgivenesses. It is the mutual understanding and genuine affection for each other. It is being proud of each other, attracted to each, and at the end of the day, confiding in each other. It is about being able to truly be yourself, and that’s WHY your partner loves you.
Our relationship can teach us how to love, right through our confusion or our doubt. We can love each other right through our feelings of unlovability or broken hearts. Out of love for each other our relationship can teach us how to be the most sensitive listener, the consummate lover, the most compassionate forgiver. And all these things are tested — conversation by conversation, interaction by interaction.All built on the mindful, loving understanding, that by working through our disconnection, we are creating a deeper and more lasting connection. This connection then becomes strong — really strong, bonded by trust, bonded by forgiveness. Your love becomes forged by experience like steel.
It is all those little moments of holding hands under the table at the restaurant, having secret communications where not a word is uttered… but the other one knows. This is real love, and this kind of love is worth waiting for if you don’t have it, and building towards if you do.
Diana Lang is a spiritual teacher and author of
OPENING TO MEDITATION – www.DianaLang.com
Warmer, Warmer
HOW TO MOVE ON AFTER YOU HEART IS BROKEN
and fall in love again…
The first thing we are confronted with after a breakup is the plain old shock of it. We are literally gobsmacked. We find ourselves standing with our mouths open and arms hanging limply by our sides wondering what in the world just happened? Heartbreak can occur after six months in a relationship or many years! Breaking up hurts — and it hurts — bad. And there is just no way of getting around that fact.
After a breakup we can feel like we have failed. We feel unworthy and unlovable. We can worry that we’ll never be with anyone. Our worst fear is that there is no one out there for us. But I would counter that you just haven’t found each other yet.
There is a game that we played as kids called “Warmer, Warmer,” where one person hides an object while the other one has to find it. As the seeker gets closer to the object you say, “Warmer, warmer! As they get farther from it, you say, “Cooler, cooler.” If they start moving farther from it you say, “Cold as ice! Cold as the arctic! Frozen as the freezer!” But, if they are standing right next to it, you yell, “You are hot! You are on fire! You’re burning up!” until finally the seeker touches the hidden object.
Breaking up can be like that. When we meet someone and we fall in love, it’s definitely a warmer, warmer moment. It might not be the exact right person yet, but we are getting closer. These relationships along the way help us grow and learn. So, even though it does hurt, this different way of looking at it may help you let go and move on more easily, not looking at the breakup as a mistake, but rather a step along the path.
As the old adage says, when one door closes another one opens. This is important to remember, because in those first days and weeks while you are reeling and refinding your balance again, you can hang on to that phrase like a lifeline. It may not give much solace at first, but it is a spiritual truth, and remembering this will steady you. Natural law says: nature abhors a vacuum. Meaning, once you are truly able to release the old relationship, new love can find you again.
Finally, every relationship defines better and better what you want and don’t want in a partner. Every time you engage with someone — even just one date — you learn a little more about yourself and what matters to you. All of this will help you recognize your true partner that moment when you meet.
Diana Lang is a spiritual teacher and author of OPENING TO MEDITATION www.DianaLang.com
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