Tag Archives: love

A Minute on Grace

on GRACE by Diana Lang

A minute on compassion

A minute on Compassion with Diana Lang

A Minute on Truth

A Minute on Truth by Diana Lang

A one-minute video on Love

…But He’s Got Potential!

(Reprinted from the Huffington Post)

RELATIONSHIP ADVICE FOR WOMEN FROM A SPIRITUAL PERSPECTIVE

Portrait of smiling young couple in sunlight

 

“Everyone is gifted, but some people never open their package.”  ~Wolfgang Riebe

 

Everyone has potential. We are born with it.

But the big question is will we live up to it? Will we meet it?

Just because we have potential doesn’t mean we will express it in our life.

As women, one of the very best qualities we have is that we can see the best in people. We can sense what a person is capable of. This is an incredibly significant sensitivity. As a mother, for instance, it’s important to see our children’s potential. We want to help them foster and cultivate it to help them realize their potential in the world.

But when we take this skill into the dating arena, this very same ability may not always be in our best interest…and it can sometimes even prove to be our greatest downfall. Because we can sense what our partner is capable of, we may be too quick to throw all our eggs in that heart-basket whether that potential will ever be actualized or not.

We can sense that potential right there, just beneath the surface. But because of woundings from childhood, or just plain being thwarted by life, our partner may leave their most valuable gifts unexpressed, laying dormant in their inner-diamond-heart like hidden buried treasure.

We can fool ourselves out of our need or desperation and develop a fantasy about our man that seems, and feels true, but is not actually realizing. We may gloss over what we hope our partner can be, rather than what he actually is. We can even fall in love with his potential.

That inner part of you that is aware knows all of this though, and this is what you must call on as you navigate the dating minefields of love. It’s important to stay awake to reality, especially in a new relationship, and especially if you find yourself head-over-heels in love, where it’s easy to lose all sight of shore.

In life, and especially in regard to men, the proof is in the pudding. This means, it is by his action that you can discern his potential-into-reality-ratio. For example, when there is a problem or a challenge, what does he actually do? Does he show up? Does he keep his word? Do his words match his actions? Does he admit when he’s wrong? When he fails, does he try again? Does he do what he says? The answers to these questions are the beginnings of perceiving a man’s character and sense of purpose.

It’s pretty straight forward, really. For a man leads by his action. What he does doIS what he is thinking and feeling. So, if he is not doing something, if he is not showing up, if he isn’t coming through, then that IS how he feels. His actions will show you.

There is an old saying that says: behind every great man is a great woman. A man needs someone to believe in him. That is how his best will shine forth. It’s important to help your man realize his potential. That potential IS there. But it’s equally important that he lives up to it. That he shows you. That he tries.

And yes, many people have not yet fully realized their potential; it is a work in progress, is it not? However, it will still be being implemented in some way. Actionswill be being taken. Real efforts will be being made, with real results.

So, let him show you. Let him prove it. And while he is showing it to you, he will prove it to himself.

And, of course, we all need to ask ourselves the same question. Am I living up to my full potential?

From a spiritual perspective, not only do we need to live up to our potential; it is our responsibility to. It is a spiritual imperative. None of this is predicated on success, of course. It isn’t about winning, or making the most money, or getting an Oscar, though of course, you may. It is about living your life with passion and compassion, with creativity and curiosity, and letting that beautiful inner diamond within you be expressed, some way, somehow!

Diana Lang is a spiritual teacher and author of
OPENING TO MEDITATION – www.DianaLang.com

The Power of Telling the Truth

divine marriage

 

RELATIONSHIP ADVICE FROM
A
SPIRITUAL PERSPECTIVE

It can be scary to tell our partner how we really feel sometimes. Out of politeness, embarrassment, shyness, avoidance, or just not wanting to hurt their feelings, we can find ourselves not sharing our innermost feelings. We may find ourselves inhibiting and censoring our truest, deepest worries and fears with the people we love the most. And, our relationships will suffer for it – from the lack of depth, from lack of real connection, and from the shear superficiality of inauthenticity.

Here is a spiritual rule of thumb: the more someone matters to you, the more you owe them your Truth.

But, what is our truth?

Truth is how you actually feel. Not how you are supposed to feel. Not what society says you should feel, or how you think you should feel. It is what you do feel – in your heart. For in our hearts, we all know what those truths are.

When I am talking with a client and they tell me how they really feel, I will ask them if they have shared this with their partner, and invariably they will say, “Well, I can’t say that, can I?”

And I answer: Yes, of course you can.

And you need to.

If you want your relationship to deepen and grow, then you have to trust the love that the relationship is built on. You need to bet on love. Even, in the worse case scenario, if you discover that the relationship cannot handle deeper feelings, then that’s good information to know. It tells you something of the depth and durability of the love. So, you really have nothing to lose in finding this out. And, potentially, everything to gain.

But how do we speak these fragile vulnerabilities, these hurts and pains, when our fear is that if we do, it will just make things worse?

This brings us to another spiritual principle, which is: the truth will make you free. Truth is a precious commodity. Your innocent and uncensored truth, the truth of your heart, is valuable to your relationship. By telling the truth to your partner, you are opening up the possibility for more intimacy in your relationship.

So often, this can be difficult. We can be afraid to say the most important things in our heart for fear of being rejected or abandoned. We can be afraid that they will never understand.

How you share your truth is a delicate matter. People’s feelings can and do get hurt. It’s hard to hear that there may be a difference of opinion or a problem. But not sharing your truth doesn’t allow anything to change at all.

So, how do you share your feelings without hurting, scaring, or upsetting your partner?

The answer is by expressing your truth in vulnerability.

You need to be vulnerable so your partner can hear you. Otherwise, they likely will feel attacked, disparaged, unvalued, belittled, criticized, and mostly, unloved.

So, how we say it really MATTERS. I’m not saying you should be manipulative or strategic – I mean the opposite, in fact. I am saying to speak your vulnerable truth without righteousness or design, without tactic or need to win, but simply, to speak your unguarded, vulnerable, ever-loving truth.

Which means, speak your truth with love.

– Because truth by itself can be brutal and without mercy.

 – And, love by itself can be too tolerant, ambiguous, and possibly codependent.

When you put these two principles together, truth plus love, you have power. Now your truth makes an arrow that pierces through, to the heart of the matter – safely – because it is founded on love. You then are gifting your partner with loving truth.It’s like lancing a wound. Now, it can heal.

This is not so easy to do. It takes courage – heart courage – partly because we have to first face our own demons and realize what we really feel, and how we really feel. We must take ourselves into our internal laboratory and be really, reallyhonest with ourselves. By doing this, we are taking responsibility for what our own truth is, without blaming, without harming, and without rancor. It is simply how we feel.

By looking at ourselves first – with compassion – we can begin to heal our lives and everyone in our lives.

Because from a spiritual perspective, when one person gets it, everyone can get it.

We all benefit from your inner awareness. We are all healed by truth.
And, the truth will make us all free.

Diana Lang is a spiritual teacher and author of
OPENING TO MEDITATION – www.DianaLang.com

Through Thick And Thin

two lovely glass on rainy day window background

WHAT MAKES A RELATIONSHIP WORK

When you think of relationships that work, really, really work, whose do you think of? Not just the ones that manage to stay together, but the ones that are ever growing and expanding, romantic and intimate. It’s likely that not many come to mind.

What is it about that relationship that makes it endure through thick and thin? Because, thick and thin are going to happen. What it is it about a relationship that makes it last?

Those relationships that make it through the tests of time, that make it through the ups and down of life, from arguments, loss of jobs, money problems, teenagers, midlife crisis, health issues, and mothers-in-laws, to boot, are built on an integral strength that is based on real connection.

Real connection and chemistry look a lot alike, but they are not the same.And, yes, most often they will both be there. But there is a distinction between these qualities of love. Real connection is beyond chemistry. It is more likerecognition. When you meet, it feels like you already know each other. Like you always have. You could be opposites in every way, culturally, religiously, philosophically, and still, that recognition is there.

Real connection can include chemistry but is not dependent on chemistry.Chemistry does not, of itself, equal connection — or longevity. Without a heart connection it will be short-lived or forced. Sometimes we try to jam chemistry into the slot of real connection, and this can become a heavy woe. Trust that you will know the difference, because there is a difference, and you can feel it.

It’s not something that will escape you, or that you might miss, or that is illusive. It’s right there in the forefront – and very different than chemistry by itself. Real connection has a force to it, a rightness that is undeniable. It has a mandate about it. It’s like a cosmic instruction: “You two are one.” There is no doubt, there is no unsureness, and you will both know it.

From a spiritual perspective, real connection, is an authentic, undeniable, mutual connection built on real appreciation and respect for each other. Real connection is when we instinctively turn to each other, rather than to someone else. It is not a compromise or a settling. And, it’s not that “I can’t live without you,” it’s rather, “I don’t want to live without you.” It’s a relationship where who you are when you are not even trying is exactly what your partner loves about you. And vice-versa!

Of course, this doesn’t mean everything in every moment is perfect. It just means that at its heart, there is a real regard, even admiration for each other that is core to the relationship. It doesn’t need to be manufactured or forced. It’s just there. It’s like a love safety net.

Relationships will test everything we are, individually, and as a couple. But they also can heal old wounds, and break our hearts open to deeper and more profound levels of love.

Ultimately, time really will tell. For real love will grow you, and show you what real togetherness is.

It’s the little things, you know. The kindnesses, the forgivenesses. It is the mutual understanding and genuine affection for each other. It is being proud of each other, attracted to each, and at the end of the day, confiding in each other. It is about being able to truly be yourself, and that’s WHY your partner loves you.

Our relationship can teach us how to love, right through our confusion or our doubt. We can love each other right through our feelings of unlovability or broken hearts. Out of love for each other our relationship can teach us how to be the most sensitive listener, the consummate lover, the most compassionate forgiver. And all these things are tested — conversation by conversation, interaction by interaction.All built on the mindful, loving understanding, that by working through our disconnection, we are creating a deeper and more lasting connection. This connection then becomes strong — really strong, bonded by trust, bonded by forgiveness. Your love becomes forged by experience like steel.

It is all those little moments of holding hands under the table at the restaurant, having secret communications where not a word is uttered… but the other one knows. This is real love, and this kind of love is worth waiting for if you don’t have it, and building towards if you do.

Diana Lang is a spiritual teacher and author of
OPENING TO MEDITATION – www.DianaLang.com

Warmer, Warmer

warmer, warmer

 

 

 

 

HOW TO MOVE ON AFTER YOU HEART IS BROKEN
and fall in love again…

The first thing we are confronted with after a breakup is the plain old shock of it. We are literally gobsmacked. We find ourselves standing with our mouths open and arms hanging limply by our sides wondering what in the world just happened? Heartbreak can occur after six months in a relationship or many years! Breaking up hurts — and it hurts — bad. And there is just no way of getting around that fact.

After a breakup we can feel like we have failed. We feel unworthy and unlovable. We can worry that we’ll never be with anyone. Our worst fear is that there is no one out there for us. But I would counter that you just haven’t found each other yet.

There is a game that we played as kids called “Warmer, Warmer,” where one person hides an object while the other one has to find it. As the seeker gets closer to the object you say, “Warmer, warmer! As they get farther from it, you say, “Cooler, cooler.” If they start moving farther from it you say, “Cold as ice! Cold as the arctic! Frozen as the freezer!” But, if they are standing right next to it, you yell, “You are hot! You are on fire! You’re burning up!” until finally the seeker touches the hidden object.

Breaking up can be like that. When we meet someone and we fall in love, it’s definitely a warmer, warmer moment. It might not be the exact right person yet, but we are getting closer. These relationships along the way help us grow and learn. So, even though it does hurt, this different way of looking at it may help you let go and move on more easily, not looking at the breakup as a mistake, but rather a step along the path.

As the old adage says, when one door closes another one opens. This is important to remember, because in those first days and weeks while you are reeling and refinding your balance again, you can hang on to that phrase like a lifeline. It may not give much solace at first, but it is a spiritual truth, and remembering this will steady you. Natural law says: nature abhors a vacuum. Meaning, once you are truly able to release the old relationship, new love can find you again.

Finally, every relationship defines better and better what you want and don’t want in a partner. Every time you engage with someone — even just one date — you learn a little more about yourself and what matters to you. All of this will help you recognize your true partner that moment when you meet.

Diana Lang is a spiritual teacher and author of OPENING TO MEDITATION  www.DianaLang.com 
Follow Diana Lang on Twitter:

Let Yourself Love Again

fall down 7

(reposted from the Huffington Post)

 

 

 

 

 

 

There is a wonderful Japanese proverb that says: Fall down seven times, stand up eight.

In life, we get many chances, many opportunities, many do-overs. When we’ve been hurt, abandoned, embarrassed or ashamed, we can be left feeling as though we are on our proverbial knees. It’s hard to care or even want to try again. We become apathetic, indifferent, numb or hard. We are tired. We get beat up in love and just don’t want to bother. Teenagers say it best in that slangy, twangy way, and with a dramatic roll of the eyes, “what…ever.” These hurt feelings can get buried deep in our bones, and over time, a deep sense of resignation can begin to apply to everything, especially our hearts.

And it’s our hearts especially, because this is where we are the most vulnerable. More than almost any other subject, love is where it hurts most, because it’s personal.

We never want to be in that position again. We say, “I am never going to open my heart up again like that to anyone!“ And then, we don’t.

And there we are.

Alone.

So, how do you open your heart again, knowing full well that you could get hurt?

Love is vulnerable. And vulnerability feels, well, vulnerable! It must, or it would cease to actually be vulnerable. There is just no getting around this part of it. To open our hearts, we need to take our guards down – and be vulnerable. If we don’t our lives will suffer for it.

And, if somehow, we do manage to get into a relationship with our hearts closed and guarded, the relationship will suffer for it. Our partner will complain that they can’t reach us, that we’re not really there. Because we’re not.

If you close your heart off to love, you are basically closing your heart off to life, too. You can’t close off love in just one place. It will be global. Every part of your life will be affected.

From a spiritual perspective it is ALL about love. It’s only about love – the love of our family, our friends, our neighbors, our enemies, and most importantly, ourselves.

So, you have to take the risk, right? You have to know going in that you likelycould, and maybe will, get your heart broken. And still, be willing to love again.

That’s love in action.

That’s falling down seven times, getting up eight.

Diana Lang is a spiritual teacher and author of OPENING TO MEDITATION – www.DianaLang.com

Should I Date More than One Person at a Time?

reprinted from the Huffington Post

  • DATING ADVICE FROM A SPIRITUAL PERSPECTIVE

dating many men

“Should I date more than one person at a time?” we wonder. “Wouldn’t it open up the field if I dated several people?” Even though there is some merit in this question, at least in the beginning of dating, soon you would discover that the answer is unequivocally, NO.

There is a wise old adage that says: The eagle that chases two rabbits catches none.

The statisticians of the world, of course, would say that this is an odds issue, and the more, the merrier! More chances equal more possibilities of success, right?

Wrong. That’s what the carnies of the world would tell you too, as you attempt for the umpteenth time to throw the ping-pong ball into the fishbowl. It is a scam of the ego.

Still, logic would seem to dictate: the more fishing lines I throw out there, the more fish I could catch.

But, what kind of fish would you catch?

The answer is: The same kind.

This is how energy works!

Like attracts like.

What if you want to find “the One?”

You are not going to catch a mermaid or merman with many lures. You have to evoke them out of this great, grand sea of the world. Yes, there may be many fish in the sea, but you are only looking for one! And, not just any one, but The One.

Just as in looking for a job, sending out a hundred resumes won’t land you a position if you believe there are no jobs out there. A thousand resumes won’t change the outcome of what you already believe. But if you believe there are many jobs out there, and you are a rare talent, you may be surprised to discover that the next time you go to your local café, that you find yourself sitting next to the CEO of the big, new health food store in town, the one that coincidentally happens to be looking for a marketing person . . . and there you are!

When we consciously visualize, and know our partner is coming – he will.
If you truly believe he is not, then you will also be right – he’s not coming.

Multiple-dating is like shooting buckshot. This desperate and random aim scatters, producing many apparent options. But all that this haphazard action does is just take up your time and delay the outcome.

Certainly, by putting ourselves out there, we will probably attract someone, but wouldn’t you rather attract that special someone? Wouldn’t you like to attract your soul partner who is also looking for you?

It seems tempting to believe that more volume will give more opportunity. And it is true, more volume does attract . . . but here is the important thing to remember: it attracts more of the same thing.

Here are the 3 steps to practice for finding your true soul partner.

       1. EVOKE – From the core of your innermost self, call your partner to you – soul to soul.

       2. VISUALIZE – In your mind’s eye, see him coming. Know he is on his way.

       3. RECOGNIZE – Know that you will meet each other easily and effortlessly, and that you will immediately recognize each other. And when he does show up, don’t second-guess it. Recognize him!

This is about love, right? Not about finding company. We can all find someone to spend time with, but not necessarily someone whom we really want to share our lives with. Yes, we might be able to find someone that can blend into our lives – but real love – real love – transcends all of this. It is spiritual recognition.

Spiritual intention is very focused. It is conscious. It is an evocation. It is a literal calling on spirit to match us up, soul to soul.

By calling in your soul partner, he will show up into your life like a magic trick. You will find yourself saying, “I’m not sure how it happened; he just showed up at the door . . .

. . . and, it was love at first sight.”

Diana Lang is a spiritual teacher and author of OPENING TO MEDITATION www.DianaLang.com Follow Diana Lang on Twitter:

Are You Listening? Relationship Advice From a Spiritual Perspective

~reprinted from the Huffington Post – Diana Lang

listening

“Well, I think part of my gift, if I have one, is that I love listening.”
— Eric Clapton

We all know how good it feels to be really, really listened to. It is healing when we feel heard. But as you have likely discovered, good listeners are hard to find.

Rather than wishing that you knew more people — or anyone, for that matter — that listens well, I would recommend that you simply learn to be a good listener yourself.

Listening is an art. It is something we can cultivate over time. Some people have this more naturally than others, but anyone can learn the art of listening.

The trick to listening is to hear without judgment.

• It is not about just being quiet until the other person is done speaking.
• It is not about formulating your counter-thought while they are talking.
• It is not about sifting through all of your opinions until something they say matches up with
something you already think.
• It’s not about fixing the problem you perceive they are saying.
• It is not about arguing, or being louder, to make your point.
• It is not about being right.

It’s about being present — from your heart — and listening with your heart, to what that person is really trying to say. It’s about developing an open mind. It is a conscious practice of not jumping to preconceived conclusions or fixed opinions. It is simply listening with an open heart.

Just like a musician can have a good ear for music, or a gardener has a green thumb, or a mom has a mother’s intuition, it is the love of the subject that lets us listen past the words; it is love that keeps us interested, attentive, and caring.

Whether we are talking about the musician or the gardener, the mother or the listener, the common denominator here is love. The musician, out of love of the harmony will develop a more discerning ear. The gardener feels the heartbeat of the earth through her hands. A mother senses every nuance of her newborn’s breath, and a good listener really cares about the person that is speaking.

This cannot be faked.

Everyone feels everything. Like dogs in a park, we all know who’s boss — and who’s not. By a sniff! And, as you’ve seen, it’s not about which is the biggest (or the smallest). It can be the Chihuahua who rules the pack! We all feel energy.

When we are listening from our heart, or what I would call conscious listening, the other person feels heard — because they are being heard. We are not judging as we are listening, we are simply bearing witness to someone’s heart. This is a gift that we can give. And the one who is being heard can feel it — and knows it.

Listening is an act of love. When we love someone, we listen more deeply. We are hearing the tone of their voice, the rhythm of the cadence of their speech, the rise and fall of their inflection. We are hearing the real meaning of what they are saying, beyond the words they are using! This active listening is a deeper kind of intimacy.

Listening is inherently deeply respectful.

It says, I want to know you. You matter to me. I care what you are saying.
It says, I love you, so I hear you.

When we fall in love we are all excellent listeners. We really care. We really do want to know every little thing about them. We are paying 100 percent attention. We are not distracted; we are not thinking about something else; we are not thinking about ourselves. We are thinking about them and only them, and vice versa!

When we really listen, listening without judgment or agenda, we will experience an entirely different sort of conversation. It becomes a divine discourse. It is a true exchange of love. It is real connection. Our conversation becomes a collaboration and a grand exchange of intertwining concepts and ideas that we are sharing. We can lift each other up to higher and higher levels of mutual understanding.

Rather than trading opinions at each other, we become two people sharing ourselves with each other. Our conversation becomes a discussion versus a debate. It becomes a joyous interchange rather than a mental jousting match. When two people consciously converse, new ideas can develop. Both people will be expanded and come to new understandings and points of view.

This is conscious conversation.

What if we could begin to listen like this to everyone — our hairstylist, the plumber, our mother, our kids, our partner — with this much presence? Imagine a world where we really hear each other, rather than judge each other. What kind of world could we make?

Diana Lang is a spiritual teacher and author of
OPENING TO MEDITATION — www.DianaLang.com

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Should I Lower My Standards? Relationship advice from a spiritual perspective

STANDARD Norwegian_Royal_Standard_flag(reprinted from The Huffington Post.)

When it comes to relationships, we all have our standards. Standards are those ethical principles that we navigate our lives by. They are a kind of personal code by which we make choices, decisions and intentions. Fundamentally, they are the ideals that we hold dearest to our hearts. They are essential personal covenants that shape how we live our lives, determine what’s important to us, and effectively direct our motivation and direction. Our standards are foundational to every single thing we do.

The thing about standards, though, is everyone’s are different! By holding ourselves to our standards, we cannot help but hold others to them too. But because everyone has slightly — or radically — different ones, we can get in trouble when we try to impose our standards onto someone else.

In a relationship, congruous standards are important. It is said that the single most important component that allows a relationship to last is similar philosophy. Our standards are based on our philosophies. They are corresponding and interconnected. Everything else can be different between a couple: where we come from, how much money we have, the color of our skin, our ages, our interests, but if our standards are in conflict, then there will eventually be philosophical differences that can become an immense obstacle to sustaining the relationship.

This is why couples often find natural compatibility with a partner that comes from a similar religious faith, or from the same country, or even neighborhood! Where we come from influences and shape our standards. We are often naturally attracted to someone who inherently harmonizes with these standards…

Or, we can be attracted to the opposite.

If we are with someone who has different standards, and especially lower ones than ours, it can be very destructive. It can bring out the worst in us, instead of the best of us. If the discrepancy is great, it can turn out to be a match not made in heaven. This can do a lot of damage to our confidence and erode those things we hold paramount. If we start to doubt our own standards and lower them, each individual, and the relationship itself, will slowly be degraded. We can begin to doubt our core beliefs and values, and gradually, eventually, like the way water must flow downhill, our standards will devolve.

You never want to step down to someone’s lower standards. A standard is an ideal, something that we reach for and aspire to. And if our standards are lessened because we are afraid to hold them up, then the relationship will suffer for lack of principle, and lack of depth. It will feel empty.

The good news is that we can evoke a higher standard from our partner. When we hold our standard up, they get to step up to it — or step out of it. Don’t let anyone stem your spirit or your higher knowing. By holding to your higher standard, everyone will be better for it. When we hold to our standards we are actually offering our partner an opportunity to grow. By raising the bar in a relationship we all grow. By lowering our standards, we are diminished.

Diana Lang is a spiritual teacher and author of OPENING TO MEDITATION — www.DianaLang.com Follow Diana Lang on Twitter:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/diana-lang/should-you-lower-your-sta_b_9717278.html

 

MONEY and Love: How to Navigate the Nitty-Gritty of Finances in a Relationship

Love is greater than Money~ reposted from the Huffington Post

“Money can’t buy me love.” 
~The Beatles

How you handle your finances with your partner will tell you a lot about what kind of a relationship you have. Right away, you can know if it’s a generous relationship or a stingy one. Do you share your resources, pool them, or keep them separate? Do you share expenses mutually, or always keep a running tally in your head? These are important questions in a relationship. The bottom line, when it comes right down to it, is: how your partner is in relationship with their money is likely how they will be in relationship with you.

From a metaphysical perspective, everything is energy — even money — maybe, especially money! The way we spend it, save it, share it, or hide it, are all indicative of how we feel about abundance, or the lack thereof.

If you are paying attention, you can know right in the beginning of your romance what your partner’s relationship is with money. It is evident in everything they do. Unfortunately, we might not see these signs, because in our need to make the relationship work, we may overlook some of the most blatant signs.

Here’s the hard truth: if someone is stingy with the waiter, they will likely be stingy with you — maybe not right away, but eventually. As nice as things may appear, or as good as everything might look on paper, if you read between the lines, you can see, if you’ll look, what your partner’s financial philosophy is — and therefore where you may stand, too.

So, pay attention. Remember, it is not about how much money a person has, or spending money we don’t have, or being reckless with the money we do; it’s about the energy we have about it. It’s about our relationship with money. Is it selfish or unselfish – whatever amount we have.

And, of course, this works both ways. You need to examine your relationship with money too. Where do you stand on the subject of money? Is there never enough, or is there more than enough? I can tell you for sure that people will come to the same monetary conclusions over and over again, based on their fundamental financial philosophy, no matter how much they have, or don’t have.

Because it’s not about how much money you have. It’s about WHATEVER money there is. If it’s $5 or $500, $5,000 or $5,000,000 — it’s all the same. It’s our relationship with money that we’re talking about here. Are we miserly or charitable? A person can be as tight OR as generous over $5 as much as with $5,000. It is all relative.

And, if this person is going to be your relative, then it’s worth your time to observe their relationship with money. Are they calculating or magnanimous? Are they honest and ethical in their business dealings, or greedy and bending the rules? Does your partner save money, loan money, gamble money, or give money? If they give it, do they expect something in return?

Sigh… the return. This is the bottom line. In the grim, monetary, business-is-business world, the return on investment IS the bottom line. But in the world of relationship, it is the death knell. Love is not a business transaction. So beware the man (or woman) who thinks so.

Like in all things relationship, communication is the bridge for better financial relationship happiness. In a healthy relationship, there should not be any taboo subjects. Subjects that are off the table, tell you where the problems will be. If your partner won’t talk about money issues, there is a money issue. If they won’t talk about their mother, there are mother issues. Get it?

So, be aware. Money can be a difficult subject. People sometimes feel that they can keep it separate somehow, because it is about numbers. It seems black and white. But the very black-and-whiteness of this money perspective can be the literal measuring stick of how much we will let ourselves be connected to someone. Are we “all in” or not? Money is not a separate subject. It is a living demonstration and expression of how connected we can be!

Love is inherently generous. Love is sincerely unselfish. Love is wholly sharing, what little or much we may have. If money is where we draw the line, then that very line, describes the depth of what our relationship can be. And that, my friends, is the real bottom line.

Diana Lang is a spiritual teacher and author of OPENING TO MEDITATION -www.DianaLang.com

“HOW WILL I KNOW (if he really loves me?)”

(as sung by Whitney Houston)

–reprinted from The Huffington Post

A couple in love in the sunset on the beach

How do you know if he is into you?

And how into you is he?

Should you ask him straight up? Should you guess? Get a tarot card reading?

I would answer: If you don’t know where you stand in your relationship, then that is probably not a good sign.

When a man is into you – if you are “the one” – you will know.

This means that if you are not sure what your status is with him, then likely it is not too solid. And if you’ve been wondering after weeks and weeks, and maybe, months and months . . . even more so!

Basically what I am saying is, if you are wondering where you stand with your man, then your very unsureness is part of your answer.

A man will turn the world upside down to be with you if you are the one for him. He will cross the country, miss the big game, and throw his coat over a puddle for you to walk over.

You will see it in his eyes, you will hear it in his tone of voice, you will feel it in the touch of his hand, but most importantly, you will experience it by his actions. His feelings for you will be whispered into the background of every moment. If that’s not happening, retain that as data. As hard as that may be to contemplate, you need to consider it.

For a relationship to be strong, it needs to be authentic: not manufactured by a fantasy, or a wish, or an artificial timeline, but based on a truly genuine and real connection between the two of you.

Remember these 3 things as you navigate a new relationship.

  1. BE YOURSELF. Don’t compromise this. Be you. Who he is falling in love with is And if you are being anything less than you, it will come out sooner or later. So, be yourself right from the start. Let him see your true self: your vulnerability and your strength, your power and your fragility. The real you is beautiful and just right for the right person.
  1. BE PATIENT. He needs to realize for himself what he feels. Let him recognize his feelings for you in his own timing and his own way. Don’t try to cajole love. Don’t manipulate him, trick him or rush him into loving you. Plus, you wouldn’t be happy with the results anyway, even if they seem to succeed.
  1. Finally, it’s like that old saying says: IF IT’S MEANT TO BE, IT WILL BE, and I would add, and there’s nothing anyone can do to stop it. This is a spiritual truth, so you can trust it. Really, you don’t want to be with someone who is not right for you. He might look perfect on paper but not be right for you in real life. Trust this life principle, and let real love show up in your life.

If you remember these three points you won’t wonder what the state of your relationship is – it will become apparent. You will see it, feel it, and know it. When your man loves you, he will profess it, he will tell his friends and family, he will shout it out to high heaven! Everyone will know that you are the one – including, and especially YOU.

Diana Lang is a spiritual teacher and author of OPENING TO MEDITATION –www.DianaLang.com

Follow Diana Lang on Twitter: www.twitter.com/Diana Lang

Let Love In

(reposted from The Huffington Post)

Black-and-white-effect-romantic-couple-hugs-300x250To find true love, we must be true to love.  ~Diana Lang

Opening your heart can be scary. Especially if you have been hurt in love . . . and who has not been hurt in love.

If I love you, will you love me back? This is our question. This is our fear. But this is also our deepest wish!

The fear of heartbreak is primal. The more we lean over the edge of the cliff of love, the more precipitous it can feel. There we are, with our heart waaay out there, on the very edge of our sleeves, hanging on by the tips of our toes to the edge of the crumbling cliff side, straining over the chasm in the hopes of true love. Love can be truly terrifying!

And so we protect ourselves, making sure we won’t get hurt again. Our hearts can harden. We can make ourselves invulnerable. Our hearts feel like an open wound that never really healed right. Over time, this wound can cover over and become a veritable scar, and impenetrable to new love. The gnarled scar tissue of old love wounds can become pretty grizzly over the years, to the point that when real love is offered we might not let ourselves be open enough to receive it. “I’m not going to get hurt again!” we declare.

If we do get brave enough to let ourselves open our hearts again, we can enter into a relationship literally halfheartedly, with our hearts hidden and protected under lock and key. The problem is, when we don’t bring our whole hearts to it, that love is likely doomed to fail.

Worse, the deeper we go in our relationship, the more there is to lose, and it becomes more and more difficult to take the risk of letting our hearts be vulnerable. We become uneasy and nervous, jumpy and touchy, loosing our perspective, taking everything personally, and quick to bolt.

But remember, a good relationship is built on give and take. And as much as we might be taking a risk in love – so is our partner.

From a spiritual perspective, it is always right to love. But there is a hard but beautiful truth inherent to this: Love is vulnerable. And you can’t take that part out of it. For the state of vulnerability requires actually feeling vulnerable.

The more vulnerable we are with each other, the deeper our love can grow. But conversely, the greater the depth of our pain if it doesn’t work.

To trust each other means to give over to each other, even in the face of our fear, that we could be left, walked out on, or be used.

Think of relationship like breathing. You breathe in, you breathe out. In this model, you receive love; you give love. It has to go both ways.

It’s like inhaling and exhaling. We need to trust the natural process of life. Just giving love can deplete us. The same as only taking love will back us up. Just like the breath, we must let it in and let it out. It must be both. Spiritual principle and nature say so.

There is so much risk in taking the chance to love again. We might think it’s easier to just not risk it at all. We worry, what if we’re wrong?

But I would counter, what if we’re right?

You can’t find a real love if you are not willing to really love.

So, take the risk to let love in. Let it in. Let it out. Let it flow. You might get some bumps and bruises along the way, and a little callous over here and a scar over there, but love is inherently brave. Take a risk. Practice vulnerability. Open your heart and see how love finds you!

Diana Lang is a spiritual teacher and author of OPENING TO MEDITATION – www.DianaLang.com

 Follow Diana Lang on Twitter: www.twitter.com/Diana Lang

EXCERPT from my meditation, “I CHOOSE LOVE.”

“And when you feel afraid – love one another.
If you’ve lost your way – love one another.
When you are all alone, –love one another.
If you are far from home – love one another.”
~Todd Rundgren

We need love right now like never before.
Like never before.

If there is something to do right now – it is to Love.
If you’re not sure what to do – Love.
If you’re feeling confused yourself – Love.

This is the action.
This is the instruction.
This is the activity.
This is the method.
This is the Way.

Love one another.

And when you can’t love yourself – love one another.
If there is something to do – love one another.
Reach out this way,
even in your own pain.
If you’re feeling conflicted yourself, or unsure of yourself – love one another.
Or lost yourself
Or hurt yourself
Still,
and especially,
love who is around you.
As you are able,
As you can.

Love. Love. Love

This is the answer to any question you can imagine.

Love each other through the walk of life.
Love the one that is standing in front of you.
Love the one you’re with.
Love me.
Love you.
Love each other.

And no matter what is happening in the world
Or in your Life

Still, the answer is to love.

And this Love becomes an action.

That you keep choosing

I choose love.
I choose love.
I choose love.

And I choose Love in a thousand ways.
By my breath, by my awareness, by my consciousness
As I am aware of a situation, or something I hear on the news, or from a friend, or in my own life.
I offer love.

as I am able to

through all my fear, through all my tension, through all my anxiety,
through all my confusion or unsureness,

I still offer love

In the way that I can,

This is yoga.

Can you breathe in the pose?

Can you breathe in the pose?

Or not breathe in the pose?

Can you keep yourself awake?
Can you stay aware?
No matter if you are upside down
or backbending?

Can you still breathe?
Can you stay present?
Can you stay with You?
Can you choose love?

Can you choose love?

I choose love.

 

To listen to this meditation in its entirety follow this link:
https://soundcloud.com/diana_lang/love-one-another

© Diana Lang 2015

The 3 Spiritual Rules for a Lasting and Loving Relationship – or How to Keep Falling in Love

divine marriage

A new blog post for PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT CAFÉ

by Diana Lang

When I marry a couple, I say a lot of things designed specifically for the unique couple that I am marrying, but the one thing I always say in every celebration is this:

“A happy marriage is a long falling in love. It is a continuing courtship. It is a process of falling in love again and again.”

They may not know it, but in these few simple statements, I am giving the secret to a long and happy relationship.

Whether we are newly dating, or in the first stages of a burgeoning relationship, or in a long and committed one, these sentences are the alchemical formula for a real and lasting love.

The newly dating couple has the advantage, of course.  Because they are new.  Everyone is trying their best, and being their best, and wanting the best for each other.

And that’s the key. We forget about ourselves. For true love is selfless. We are truly for each other. We do not see each others faults so sharply; we do not have a long list of grievances because we are looking at each other with new eyes. And as we do, we fall more deeply in love.

But how do you re-fall in love when maybe the luster has dulled? What happens to our relationship when we start to take each other for granted? Or forget why we fell in love in the first place?

So, here are the 3 important rules to a happy relationship.

  1. Appreciate, appreciate, appreciate. Act like you just met. See your partner with new eyes. Let them surprise you! And then they will!
  1. Communicate, communicate, communicate. If you are confused or unsure, talk about it. Say, “I am confused. I don’t understand.” Then see what your partner says. Tell the truth. Don’t be strategic. Be innocent. True love is innocent. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been hurt in the past. Don’t bring the past into your current relationship. Resist the temptation to hold resentments of past events. Which leads me to rule three …
  1. Forgive, forgive, forgive. Love holds no grievances. Learn to make up quickly. Try to go to sleep without hurt feelings. If there are negative feelings from the past, talk about them until you see your way through.

With these three rules you can build a lasting and deeply loving relationship. For love really is always the answer.

— Diana Lang is a spiritual teacher, counselor, and author of OPENING TO MEDITATION www.DianaLang.com

 

Merry-Go-Round – a little story

Demerry-go-roundlightedly giggling, she whirled and twirled around and around the merry-go-round. She loved the up-and-down of it and the round-and-round of it. She laughed herself silly until she noticed the other little girl, four horses back and behind her, who was crying and holding on for dear life to the swirly, golden pole with her eyes tightly closed shut. She got off her gorgeous turquoise unicorn with the striped silver and gold horn, and wended her way back through the sea of horses to the little girl who sat on a zebra with a bright red saddle and long yellow tail, and said, “Pretty zebra you’re riding.”

The little girl on the zebra unsqueezed her eyes and peeked out of her blurred, tear-filled eyes.

“I just want to get off,” she cried.

The unicorn girl just stood quietly next to her, then softly touched her shoe as she looked up into her eyes and said, “Don’t worry, it will stop soon.” The little girl on the zebra sighed with relief but held on all the tighter.

Before she knew it, the carousel did stop. The grand calliope music stopped, too. The horses stopped going up and down, the merry-go-round stopped going round and round, and the little girl who rode the unicorn still stood next to her.

It wasn’t too soon for the little girl who rode the zebra. She jumped right down off the platform and into the dust and noise, and the parents and children who stood all around. The little unicorn girl jumped right off after her, loving the pink dust that poofed up under her feet when she landed.

They both stood there looking at each other for a moment, and the little zebra girl shyly said to the unicorn girl, “Want to go again?”