Tag Archives: relationship advice

The Power of Telling the Truth

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divine marriage

 

RELATIONSHIP ADVICE FROM
A SPIRITUAL PERSPECTIVE

It can be scary to tell our partner how we really feel sometimes. Out of politeness, embarrassment, shyness, avoidance, or just not wanting to hurt their feelings, we can find ourselves not sharing our innermost feelings. We may find ourselves inhibiting and censoring our truest, deepest worries and fears with the people we love the most. And, our relationships will suffer for it – from the lack of depth, from lack of real connection, and from the shear superficiality of inauthenticity.

Here is a spiritual rule of thumb: the more someone matters to you, the more you owe them your Truth.

But, what is our truth?

Truth is how you actually feel. Not how you are supposed to feel. Not what society says you should feel, or how you think you should feel. It is what you do feel – in your heart. For in our hearts, we all know what those truths are.

When I am talking with a client and they tell me how they really feel, I will ask them if they have shared this with their partner, and invariably they will say, “Well, I can’t say that, can I?”

And I answer: Yes, of course you can.

And you need to.

If you want your relationship to deepen and grow, then you have to trust the love that the relationship is built on. You need to bet on love. Even, in the worse case scenario, if you discover that the relationship cannot handle deeper feelings, then that’s good information to know. It tells you something of the depth and durability of the love. So, you really have nothing to lose in finding this out. And, potentially, everything to gain.

But how do we speak these fragile vulnerabilities, these hurts and pains, when our fear is that if we do, it will just make things worse?

This brings us to another spiritual principle, which is: the truth will make you free. Truth is a precious commodity. Your innocent and uncensored truth, the truth of your heart, is valuable to your relationship. By telling the truth to your partner, you are opening up the possibility for more intimacy in your relationship.

So often, this can be difficult. We can be afraid to say the most important things in our heart for fear of being rejected or abandoned. We can be afraid that they will never understand.

How you share your truth is a delicate matter. People’s feelings can and do get hurt. It’s hard to hear that there may be a difference of opinion or a problem. But not sharing your truth doesn’t allow anything to change at all.

So, how do you share your feelings without hurting, scaring, or upsetting your partner?

The answer is by expressing your truth in vulnerability.

You need to be vulnerable so your partner can hear you. Otherwise, they likely will feel attacked, disparaged, unvalued, belittled, criticized, and mostly, unloved.

So, how we say it really MATTERS. I’m not saying you should be manipulative or strategic – I mean the opposite, in fact. I am saying to speak your vulnerable truth without righteousness or design, without tactic or need to win, but simply, to speak your unguarded, vulnerable, ever-loving truth.

Which means, speak your truth with love.

– Because truth by itself can be brutal and without mercy.

 – And, love by itself can be too tolerant, ambiguous, and possibly codependent.

When you put these two principles together, truth plus love, you have power. Now your truth makes an arrow that pierces through, to the heart of the matter – safely – because it is founded on love. You then are gifting your partner with loving truth.It’s like lancing a wound. Now, it can heal.

This is not so easy to do. It takes courage – heart courage – partly because we have to first face our own demons and realize what we really feel, and how we really feel. We must take ourselves into our internal laboratory and be really, reallyhonest with ourselves. By doing this, we are taking responsibility for what our own truth is, without blaming, without harming, and without rancor. It is simply how we feel.

By looking at ourselves first – with compassion – we can begin to heal our lives and everyone in our lives.

Because from a spiritual perspective, when one person gets it, everyone can get it.

We all benefit from your inner awareness. We are all healed by truth.
And, the truth will make us all free.

Diana Lang is a spiritual teacher and author of
OPENING TO MEDITATION – www.DianaLang.com

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Let Yourself Love Again

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fall down 7

(reposted from the Huffington Post)

 

 

 

 

 

 

There is a wonderful Japanese proverb that says: Fall down seven times, stand up eight.

In life, we get many chances, many opportunities, many do-overs. When we’ve been hurt, abandoned, embarrassed or ashamed, we can be left feeling as though we are on our proverbial knees. It’s hard to care or even want to try again. We become apathetic, indifferent, numb or hard. We are tired. We get beat up in love and just don’t want to bother. Teenagers say it best in that slangy, twangy way, and with a dramatic roll of the eyes, “what…ever.” These hurt feelings can get buried deep in our bones, and over time, a deep sense of resignation can begin to apply to everything, especially our hearts.

And it’s our hearts especially, because this is where we are the most vulnerable. More than almost any other subject, love is where it hurts most, because it’s personal.

We never want to be in that position again. We say, “I am never going to open my heart up again like that to anyone!“ And then, we don’t.

And there we are.

Alone.

So, how do you open your heart again, knowing full well that you could get hurt?

Love is vulnerable. And vulnerability feels, well, vulnerable! It must, or it would cease to actually be vulnerable. There is just no getting around this part of it. To open our hearts, we need to take our guards down – and be vulnerable. If we don’t our lives will suffer for it.

And, if somehow, we do manage to get into a relationship with our hearts closed and guarded, the relationship will suffer for it. Our partner will complain that they can’t reach us, that we’re not really there. Because we’re not.

If you close your heart off to love, you are basically closing your heart off to life, too. You can’t close off love in just one place. It will be global. Every part of your life will be affected.

From a spiritual perspective it is ALL about love. It’s only about love – the love of our family, our friends, our neighbors, our enemies, and most importantly, ourselves.

So, you have to take the risk, right? You have to know going in that you likelycould, and maybe will, get your heart broken. And still, be willing to love again.

That’s love in action.

That’s falling down seven times, getting up eight.

Diana Lang is a spiritual teacher and author of OPENING TO MEDITATION – www.DianaLang.com

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Should I Date More than One Person at a Time?

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reprinted from the Huffington Post

  • DATING ADVICE FROM A SPIRITUAL PERSPECTIVE

dating many men

“Should I date more than one person at a time?” we wonder. “Wouldn’t it open up the field if I dated several people?” Even though there is some merit in this question, at least in the beginning of dating, soon you would discover that the answer is unequivocally, NO.

There is a wise old adage that says: The eagle that chases two rabbits catches none.

The statisticians of the world, of course, would say that this is an odds issue, and the more, the merrier! More chances equal more possibilities of success, right?

Wrong. That’s what the carnies of the world would tell you too, as you attempt for the umpteenth time to throw the ping-pong ball into the fishbowl. It is a scam of the ego.

Still, logic would seem to dictate: the more fishing lines I throw out there, the more fish I could catch.

But, what kind of fish would you catch?

The answer is: The same kind.

This is how energy works!

Like attracts like.

What if you want to find “the One?”

You are not going to catch a mermaid or merman with many lures. You have to evoke them out of this great, grand sea of the world. Yes, there may be many fish in the sea, but you are only looking for one! And, not just any one, but The One.

Just as in looking for a job, sending out a hundred resumes won’t land you a position if you believe there are no jobs out there. A thousand resumes won’t change the outcome of what you already believe. But if you believe there are many jobs out there, and you are a rare talent, you may be surprised to discover that the next time you go to your local café, that you find yourself sitting next to the CEO of the big, new health food store in town, the one that coincidentally happens to be looking for a marketing person . . . and there you are!

When we consciously visualize, and know our partner is coming – he will.
If you truly believe he is not, then you will also be right – he’s not coming.

Multiple-dating is like shooting buckshot. This desperate and random aim scatters, producing many apparent options. But all that this haphazard action does is just take up your time and delay the outcome.

Certainly, by putting ourselves out there, we will probably attract someone, but wouldn’t you rather attract that special someone? Wouldn’t you like to attract your soul partner who is also looking for you?

It seems tempting to believe that more volume will give more opportunity. And it is true, more volume does attract . . . but here is the important thing to remember: it attracts more of the same thing.

Here are the 3 steps to practice for finding your true soul partner.

       1. EVOKE – From the core of your innermost self, call your partner to you – soul to soul.

       2. VISUALIZE – In your mind’s eye, see him coming. Know he is on his way.

       3. RECOGNIZE – Know that you will meet each other easily and effortlessly, and that you will immediately recognize each other. And when he does show up, don’t second-guess it. Recognize him!

This is about love, right? Not about finding company. We can all find someone to spend time with, but not necessarily someone whom we really want to share our lives with. Yes, we might be able to find someone that can blend into our lives – but real love – real love – transcends all of this. It is spiritual recognition.

Spiritual intention is very focused. It is conscious. It is an evocation. It is a literal calling on spirit to match us up, soul to soul.

By calling in your soul partner, he will show up into your life like a magic trick. You will find yourself saying, “I’m not sure how it happened; he just showed up at the door . . .

. . . and, it was love at first sight.”

Diana Lang is a spiritual teacher and author of OPENING TO MEDITATION www.DianaLang.com Follow Diana Lang on Twitter:

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