THE VOW<\/strong><\/p>\n

THE VOW I took at my first breath
\nwas the one about survival
\nThat one I couldn’t really resist because it was instinctive
\nbut i have to admit that it feels like a vow<\/p>\n

It needed to be a vow for me,
\nnot just an instinct
\nbecause i needed to survive
\nmy delicate mindedness was too refined for the coarseness of this experience
\nand i fought this vow with fists up and a sarcastic posture
\nso that i could take the easier way
\nand just let go
\nof this experience<\/p>\n

But my soul knew me too well
\nand made me take a vow
\nso that i would survive
\nand make me stay here
\ndespite myself<\/p>\n

Okay, that makes sense.
\nthe vow to survive so i wouldn’t give up before i was done<\/p>\n

But then a secondary vow was made
\nthis one was i made voluntarily
\nand that was love
\nI think I’ve made that vow every day of my life since i could think
\nnot love in the sense that most think of it
\nnot mushy love
\ndreamy love
\nromantic love
\nbut love as the action
\nas the pursuit
\nas the living breathing experience of my life<\/p>\n

to love as a discipline
\nto love through confusion
\nand discomfort
\nto love the unlovable
\nin me and in others
\nto love when my own heart is broken
\nto love through thick and thin
\nto love through hell and back
\nto love to heaven
\nto love with all the meanings of love
\nthe ascension of love
\nthe devolution of love
\nto keep loving
\nopen eyed
\nstanding there as a witness to love
\nto dissolve into love
\nto evolve into love
\na pillar of carbonite crystal
\nthat doesn’t move
\nthat doesn’t hesitate
\nthat only discerningly poignantly exactly and generally
\nkeeps choosing love
\nin the face of not-love
\nthat is the vow i take<\/p>\n

And now, my new vow is take that big love of mine
\nand aim it at myself<\/p>\n

So that i can complete that circle of love
\nand not just pulse and pulse and pulse
\nout
\nwith no return
\nbut to let it return
\nlove to me
\nlove for me
\nlove as me.<\/p>\n

\u00a9 Diana Lang 2018<\/p>\n