~reprinted from the Huffington Post – Diana Lang<\/span><\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n \u201cWell, I think part of my gift, if I have one, is that I love listening.\u201d We all know how good it feels to be really, really<\/em> listened to. It is healing when we feel heard. But as you have likely discovered, good listeners are hard to find.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n Rather than wishing that you knew more people \u2014 or anyone, for that matter \u2014 that listens well, I would recommend that you simply learn to be a good listener yourself.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n Listening is an art.<\/strong> It is something we can cultivate over time. Some people have this more naturally than others, but anyone can learn the art of listening.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<\/div>\n The trick to listening is to hear without judgment. <\/strong><\/p>\n<\/div>\n \u2022 It is not about just being quiet until the other person is done speaking. It\u2019s about being present \u2014 from your heart \u2014<\/strong> and listening with<\/em> your heart, to what that person is really<\/em> trying to say. It\u2019s about developing an open mind. It is a conscious practice of not jumping to preconceived conclusions or fixed opinions. It is simply listening with an open heart.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n Just like a musician can have a good ear<\/em> for music, or a gardener has a green thumb<\/em>, or a mom has a mother\u2019s intuition<\/em>, it is the love of the subject<\/strong> that lets us listen past the words; it is love that keeps us interested, attentive, and caring.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n Whether we are talking about the musician or the gardener, the mother or the listener, the common denominator here is love.<\/strong> The musician, out of love of the harmony will develop a more discerning ear. The gardener feels the heartbeat of the earth through her hands. A mother senses every nuance of her newborn\u2019s breath, and a good listener really cares about the person that is speaking. <\/strong><\/p>\n<\/div>\n This cannot be faked.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n Everyone feels everything. Like dogs in a park, we all know who\u2019s boss \u2014 and who\u2019s not. By a sniff! And, as you\u2019ve seen, it\u2019s not about which is the biggest (or the smallest). It can be the Chihuahua who rules the pack! We all feel energy.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n When we are listening from our heart, or what I would call conscious listening<\/em>, the other person feels heard \u2014 because they are<\/strong> being heard.<\/em> We are not judging as we are listening, we are simply bearing witness to someone\u2019s heart. This is a gift that we can give. And the one who is being heard can feel it \u2014 and knows<\/em> it.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n Listening is an act of love.<\/strong> When we love someone, we listen more deeply. We are hearing the tone of their voice, the rhythm of the cadence of their speech, the rise and fall of their inflection. We are hearing the real<\/em> meaning of what they are saying, beyond<\/em> the words they are using! This active listening is a deeper kind of intimacy. When we fall in love we are all excellent listeners. We really care. We really do want to know every little thing about them. We are paying 100 percent attention. We are not distracted; we are not thinking about something else; we are not thinking about ourselves. We are thinking about them and only them, and vice versa!<\/p>\n<\/div>\n When we really listen, listening without judgment or agenda, we will experience an entirely different sort of conversation. It becomes a divine discourse<\/em>. It is a true exchange of love. It is real connection. Our conversation becomes a collaboration and a grand exchange of intertwining concepts and ideas that we are sharing<\/em>. We can lift each other up to higher and higher levels of mutual understanding.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n Rather than trading opinions at<\/em> each other, we become two people sharing ourselves with<\/em> each other. Our conversation becomes a discussion versus a debate. It becomes a joyous interchange rather than a mental jousting match. When two people consciously converse, new ideas can develop. Both people will be expanded and come to new understandings and points of view. What if we could begin to listen like this to everyone \u2014 our hairstylist, the plumber, our mother, our kids, our partner \u2014 with this much presence? Imagine a world where we really hear each other, rather than judge each other. What kind of world could we make? Follow Diana Lang on Twitter: www.twitter.com\/Diana Lang<\/a><\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n![\"listening\"](\"https:\/\/dianalang.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/listening-300x168.jpg\")
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\n \u2014 Eric Clapton<\/strong>
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\n\u2022 It is not about formulating your counter-thought while they are talking.
\n\u2022 It is not about sifting through all of your opinions until something they say matches up with
\nsomething you already think.
\n\u2022 It\u2019s not about fixing the problem you perceive they are saying.
\n\u2022 It is not about arguing, or being louder, to make your point.
\n\u2022 It is not about being right.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n
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\nListening is inherently deeply respectful.<\/strong>
\nIt says, I want to know you. You matter to me. I care what you are saying. <\/em>
\nIt says, I love you, so I hear you.<\/em><\/p>\n
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\nThis is conscious conversation.<\/em> <\/strong><\/p>\n<\/div>\n
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\nDiana Lang is a spiritual teacher and author of
\nOPENING TO MEDITATION \u2014 www.DianaLang.com<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\nShare this:<\/h3>