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I\u2019m from California, and when I think of romance, in my mind, I see dolphins leaping in tandem across our beautiful Pacific Ocean. There is a playfulness in their togetherness, a synchronicity of movement, a deft understanding of each other, and perfect timing. It\u2019s like watching a ballet!<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
A relationship is like that. It\u2019s all about trust and timing. A sense of play in your relationship can lighten the heavier moments. By cultivating a sense of playfulness in a relationship you will discover the hidden treasures in your partner. We learn each other\u2019s hard edges and soft spots. We become aware of each other\u2019s boundaries and each other\u2019s boundlessness. In this way, we learn to feel the subtleties and the nuances of each other. This forms a real bond of trust and intimacy that can lead to a more gentle and respectful consideration of each other.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n
My parents have been happily married for almost 60 years now. They also run their international music business together, (and still do!) They are literally together 24\/7. Some of my clearest memories of them \u2014 then and now \u2014 are of my mother making funny faces until my father cries laughing. We all laugh \u2014 but especially him. They have that thing! They play.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n
A sense of play can make fun and light out of the heavier moments of life, and it is critical<\/em> for recovery in arguments. Playing with each other, and the willingness to takes ourselves, and each other, lightly is part of the formula for a long-lasting love.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n In a relationship, we can get way too serious. We can miss the little cues that would avoid an argument. And so many of those moments are non-verbal. They are conveyed by body language, tone of voice and subtle nuance. A shrug of the shoulder, a roll of the eyes, are examples of different information-packed secret codes of non-verbal communication. It\u2019s another kind of emotional intelligence that adds depth to a relationship that becomes extremely important when \u201cit\u2019s time to go\u201d<\/em> when we\u2019re at a party. A little head nod that says, I\u2019m having a great time<\/em>, or the opposite, let\u2019s get out of here<\/em>, can be completely and immediately understood because of a hundred intimate moments we have experienced together. We learn to read each other.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n Playfulness is a form of vulnerability.<\/strong> Think of two puppies romping around, taking turns being rolled over. They are learning each other\u2019s strengths and weaknesses. If the play gets too rough, the pup will make a yip, and all the action stops for a moment. They learn a boundary. That\u2019s too much. Don\u2019t bite so hard. <\/em>They are learning. They are not meaning to hurt each other. They are playing on the edge of vulnerability. A little bit of ribbing will stretch us out of our comfort zones, and let us explore in a loving, lighthearted way, those touchy subjects of our lives. This playfulness creates a deep bonding.<\/p>\n Playing with your partner says, I love you, I trust you. It says, I can show you my deepest secrets and I know you won\u2019t hurt me. And I won\u2019t hurt you either.<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n If your partner can make you laugh, and hopefully, especially at yourself, an ever-deepening intimacy is fostered. Little private jokes, like a nudge under the table, a wink across the room, all produce a complex, secret love language that only the two of you know.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n Finally, it\u2019s all about feeling safe. Teasing, kidding and all the forms of play need to be founded in kindness. This is important, because we all know how piercing a pointed-but-accurate critical comment can be. They can wound us deeply. When we lovingly play with each other we are learning each other\u2019s parameters of safety. In this established safe space we can be kidded, teased and challenged. Playfulness is a way to discover the edges of our safety zones while getting to know each other more and more. Furthermore, play can allow for uncomfortable subjects to be brought up like who we are voting for, or whose family to spend Thanksgiving with. When there is playfulness between you, there can be an easy forgiveness. There is a natural safety net of love and understanding<\/strong> being constantly reinforced by all of this interplay.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n Remember, where there is humor, there is perspective. Where there is perspective, there is understanding. And where there is understanding, there can be forgiveness.<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/blockquote>\n So play away! Learn each other\u2019s foibles, eccentricities, and idiosyncrasies. Discover each other\u2019s worlds. Let yourself play \u2014 like dolphins! There is a synchronicity to play, a timing, a rhythm and dance that is completely considerate and respectful of your partner, because we are always looking out for what is best for them!<\/p>\n<\/div>\n When things feel very heavy or blocked, be like my mom and make a funny face. The whole mood of a situation can change by an unexpected English accent, or a mysterious glint in your eye. Giggling in bed, making a face across a room at an important event \u2014 that only he knows what it means \u2014 are all ways of building intimacy together. Tickling, kidding, poking and prodding all become a part of a growing arsenal of loving play<\/em> at your disposal. All of which can potentially lead to belly laughs – or at least a snicker or two – and a deeper and growing trust between you.
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\nPlaying is a practice of trust like the game of falling backwards into your partner\u2019s arms. You have to trust that they will catch you. This is how we learn each other. And this is the power of play.<\/strong> We are willing to share our weaknesses with each other for the purposes of not<\/em> hurting each other, but to better support each other.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
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\nDiana Lang is a spiritual teacher and author of
\nOPENING TO MEDITATION -www.DianaLang.com<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<\/div>\n